What Is Bisexual?

What Counts as Bisexual?

Humans have a strong need to explain everything clearly. However, we can’t do it in every single case. The world isn’t black and white but comes in a variety of colors. Sometimes, it confuses and disturbs us.

Bisexuality is one of these things that don’t fit any box we’re familiar with. And since we’re not sure how to describe or see it, we often come with a banal explanation. For that reason, it’s always a good idea to learn a bit more about things we don’t understand.

Here’s everything you wanted to know about bisexuality.

Who Is classified as bisexual?

Some people have the power to be attracted to both men and women. In general, they are the ones who identify as bisexual. Sometimes, their attraction to people doesn’t even have anything to do with gender and sex.

But it’s not always that simple.

Bisexual people define their sexual orientation in various ways. But, regardless of their way of experiencing and expressing it, it’s often seen as something between being gay and straight. And this type of bisexual definition brings up some questions that are a bit tricky to answer. For instance, where exactly is that middle ground called bisexuality? And where’s the limit between being gay or straight and bisexual?

Of course, people wanted to give a straight and simple answer to these questions. So, today you can even do a test online that describes your sexual orientation. It’s called the Kinsey scale. By answering a few questions about your sexual experiences and behaviors, you can learn where you are on the scale from 0 (purely heterosexual) to 6 (strictly homosexual).

However, human sexuality is a bit more complicated than that. And it shouldn’t be experienced or seen as a number on a scale from 0 to 6. So, it may be simpler to look at bisexuality as something that goes outside of the box. The sexual attraction is something each one of us experiences in our own unique way.

Do Bisexuals Like One Gender Over the Other?

As we mentioned, bi people feel sexual and romantic attraction to people of various genders. Sometimes, they don’t care at all about the sex or gender of the person they’re attracted to. In that case, they may even prefer to identify themselves as pansexuals.

But in other cases, bisexuality has a lot to do with being attracted to masculinity and feminity in one or multiple genders. It’s possible that a bisexual person likes both of these, but prefers one over the other. And sometimes, it can also mean that they prefer one gender over the other. But it’s important to mention that bisexuality comes in a variety of forms. So, no one can come up with a rule that stands for everyone in the bisexual community.

Is Bisexuality Just a Phase?

Some people like to engage in sexual experiments, and they’ve possibly tried out a bunch of things, including sex with the person of the same sex. But this doesn’t classify them as gay or bi. Bisexuality isn’t just sexual experimenting or a phase — it’s rather a part of sexual identity and the way some of us present and see ourselves. It doesn’t necessarily change with time.

Science says our sexual orientation depends on genetics, hormones, and the environment in which we grew up. Furthermore, humans aren’t the only animals that can be gay or bi. That means that it’s not something we can simply choose, or suddenly decide to change.

So, the bi person who settled down with one partner didn’t simply decide to turn gay or straight. Human sexuality doesn’t really work that way.

In most cases, bi folks still present themselves as bisexuals, and the way they express this part of themselves in a relationship varies and depends on many factors.

How Bisexuals Deal With Relationships

Communication is an integral part of every relationship. Sometimes, it’s the only way you can deal with issues and obstacles. Even though bisexuality itself isn’t a problem, it can still cause difficulties in a relationship. For that reason, talking about it is crucial.

However, it can happen that a person isn’t wholly aware of their sexual orientation. That can certainly cause a serious issue in the relationship. Again, talking about these sorts of things and being open-minded is the only solution.

So, if the person is aware and open about their sexual identity and preferences, the relationship can work out. But sometimes, bi people wish to keep the relationship more casual. That means that they should look for partners who are comfortable with it. And finding the right person to hook up with isn’t that simple even in more usual circumstances.

But there’s no reason why a bi person can’t fall in love with someone and be in a healthy relationship. As long as both parties are open and accepting, any relationship can work out. Whether they decide to keep it more casual or to settle down, bisexuality isn’t something that stands in their way.

Sex in Bisexuality

It’s a general opinion that if you’re bisexual, sex can’t be perfect — ever. People think that a bi person always needs more to get sexual satisfaction. Or, even better, some think that they always need to have threesomes to reach sexual pleasure. But these are prejudices, not reality. Bisexuals, too, can have an amazing sexual experience with one partner. (See these threesome sex tips)

However, it can be a bit tricky when they are with someone of a gender they are less attracted to. But this doesn’t have to be a serious problem. If they’re ready to work on it and communicate, they can find the right solution.

And there are more ways they can solve that type of issue. For instance, they can decide to keep a relationship open and casual. Or, they can go with polygamy and find the third partner. And certain sex toys can be helpful and fun to use, like strap-ons, dildos, male masturbators, vibrators, etc.

So, the opinion that bisexuality means being unable to reach mind-blowing orgasms is far from the truth. Again, a certain sexual orientation itself isn’t an issue — it can become a problem only if we see it and approach it that way.

Why Anal Hooks Are The Best for BDSM

Debauchery, thy name is anal hook. Some might say that anal hooks are the most beautifully dangerous culmination of both anal play and bondage play. They are something you work your way up to as they aren’t for the faint of heart. Those who are just dipping their toes in the kink world might find anal hook BDSM play intimidating.

And with good reason! Anal hooks are the ultimate anal toy. And when we say ultimate, we mean it. They leave no wiggle room, offer no flexibility, and can be quite dangerous. Using an anal hook isn’t the same as restricting your partner’s hands and shoving a butt plug or dildo in their ass. Oh, no! That’s far too vanilla.

So beginners beware! But let’s see what makes anal hooks the ultimate BDSM sex toys.

They Make a Killer Leash

Using an anal hook means shoving a ball in the ass. The kicker is, the ball is at the end of a long hook that curves out of your booty. You can use the hook in various ways. Usually, it is hooked up to ropes, a leash, or other bondage accouterments. 

Anal hooks can be both an anal and vaginal torture device. However, anal use is far more common because vaginas don’t have the same grip on the hook as rectums do. 

Because the metal hook is so rigid and massive, inserting and removing the toy puts a strain on anal muscles. The hook restricts movement all by itself, let alone when attached to something else. What’s more, even twitching with an anal hook in your ass is hard. 

That makes anal hooks the ultimate restriction devices. They leave little wiggle room. Every move you make moves or dislodges the hook, which isn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world. That means you’ll do anything to keep the hook from moving, which really makes it the ultimate leash for a submissive.

Doms can rest assured that their subs are going precisely where they want them to when there’s a massive metal hook in their ass. One tug is all it takes to get them on their knees (figuratively).

They Are Versatile

Although similar in shape and form, there are actually a lot of different types of anal hooks out there. The most common one is the stainless steel anal hook with multiple balls. The balls come in different sizes, which adds to the toy’s versatility. 

Most anal hooks are in the shape of a letter J or U. The staple feature is the ball that’s attached to the end. If there’s more than one, the hooks look like anal beads on a long J-shaped steel pipe.

Of course, not all of them have the ball at the end. What’s more, the balls might even be detachable. If that’s the case, make sure to screw them on correctly to avoid having to fish a ball out of the depths of your butt. Still, (lost) ball or no ball, the anal hook will leave you in a predicament. 

Furthermore, some of these gadgets might have a cock ring or even a cock cage attached. That is an extra feature that ensures an even tighter control over the submissive.  Now, just because you use anal hooks does not mean you cannot incorporate other toys anymore. In fact, you can even use dildos, cock rings, or yoni eggs while having sex wearing an anal hook. 

They Are a Walk on the Wild Side

When playing with a risky toy like an anal hook, safety always has to come first. Because they are so rigid and unforgiving, anal hooks require a lot of prep. So don’t be stingy with that lube and make sure you stretch the rim properly. 

Yes, you don’t want to overdo it. A gaping anus might allow the ball to slip out and defeat the entire purpose of the toy. However, just keep this in mind — you are one sharper tug away from having an ass that looks like the Joker’s face. 

It’s also essential to figure out the best anal hook positions that will cause the least amount of discomfort. Open communication between partners is crucial, as both parties have to be aware of potential risks and have a strategy in place.

Since anal hooks can be quite dangerous, if you mix them with whole-body bondage, try to give the tied party some leeway. Consider leaving them an out (a loose knot they can use to escape in case of a dire emergency). Sure, it will diminish the whole feeling of helplessness, but it can prevent severe injuries.

Other safety measures include no double-dipping (seriously, never do that) and using a sex toy cleaner after every session with the toy.

The Importance of Safe Words

Of course, using safe words is the Holy Grail of BDSM. Safewords are your “no questions asked” way out of anything because they demand immediate release. They are the BDSM version of cease and desist.

So before you start any kinky play, make sure everyone involved knows your safe word. 

A Few Parting Words

Anal hooks offer an opportunity to turn your regular play into edge play and spice things up a bit. The perfect balance between anal and bondage, anal hooks are restrictive, versatile, and potentially dangerous. Thus, these toys are rightfully called the best anal toys for BDSM. A delightful tool, both in the eyes of the Doms and the subs, anal hooks are a gift that keeps giving.

What are the Different Options in Using Anal Plugs

An inflatable butt plug is a sex toy that will most gently and effectively prepare you for the first experience of anal sex or, if you are not a novice, will give you new bright sensations. Due to its small size, the anal dilator easily penetrates inside without causing much discomfort. You can pump air into the main plug, gradually increasing its size. This will be an excellent training for the walls of the anus and will allow the anus to easily get used to the new sensations. The valve at the base allows you to bleed the air out of the sex toy in seconds, as soon as you need it.

Apart from the fact that you can fully control the process of preparing your body for anal sex, you would feel some parts in this erogenous zone that the penis cannot reach for physiological reasons.

Vibrating Inflatable Butt Plugs for Additional Sensation

A nice addition to the inflatable butt plug is the vibrating function. You can easily choose for yourself a comfortable mode that can make your whole body feel the sexual tension and the subsequent orgasm. The suction cup at the base is useful if you want to enjoy the anal plug with the dilator alone. The remote control will allow you to change the modes of the toy without changing its position inside you, so it won’t interrupt you in the middle of your pleasure.

The modern world of sex products for adults is constantly expanding and is launching new progressive sex toys in the market, which sometimes makes us lose the set of functions added by the manufacturer. For those who prefer the classic versions of their favorite toys, you should can still find these even on some popular sex toys shops.

Just like the thrill that you may experience when meeting multiple sexual partners, with adult toys you may experience different facets of erotic pleasure. Stimulation of the anus requires a delicate and gentle approach, which is not always possible when using, for example, an anal plug with a vibration motor. Good thing, popular adult toys still offer these adult toys up to this date.

To check out a collection of fox tail butt plugs, visit loveplugs.co.

The common Stimulators

The most common stimulators without the vibration feature are anal herringbone or a chain. There are also elastic beads of different diameter that are fastened together,  and easily penetrate into anus, pleasantly creating friction against its walls. You will get maximum pleasure if during vaginal orgasm, you slowly pull the ring at the base. This bright mixture of sensations will long remain in your memory. Regardless of what kind of sex toys you prefer, a prerequisite for a safe use is anal lubricant, which will save you from unpleasant situations. So, make sure to lube it up!

Experts say that fisting, in addition to really deep penetration, is a sign of trust in your partner. Without maximum trust and appropriate preparation, you will not be able to fully relax, which means you will not experience the whole range of feelings that this kind of stimulation can deliver.

Preparing your body for anal fisting will take some time and is impossible without  the help of special sex toys. In order to know the true feeling of fullness, you need to eventually try large anal plugs. Don’t worry because its cone-shaped form can help to gradually and gently train the expansion of the walls of your anus.

Giant dildos are considered to be very popular, which are perfect not only for anal but also for vaginal fisting. Its realistic form of artificial phallus can make you forget that you are dealing with a sex toy. Another common design is a hand shaped anus stimulator. This variant will bring you as close as possible to sensations similar to real fisting, or can even replace your partner.

A prerequisite for safe penetration is the use of anal lubricant. Lubrication will save you from injury and discomfort, so you can enjoy these toys. This is very important especially if you enjoy double penetration.

Erotic fantasies about sex together are very common, but not always feasible for various reasons. Double penetration vibrators can help to fulfill this sexual dream.

Anal-vaginal vibrating massager gives an unforgettable pleasure from the simultaneous stimulation of the anus and walls of the vagina. An anus stimulator in such a sex toy can be made in the form of an anal Christmas tree or large elastic beads that are suitable for those who are just mastering the beauty of anal sex.

Triple vibrator will conquer even the most sophisticated lovers of sex toys. The model, in addition to anal-vaginal stimulation, has an appendix intended for the clitoral region. The simultaneous impact on such responsive erogenous points can carry you to the summit of bliss.

Special attention should be paid to the material from which the vibrating massager is made. Each option has its advantages: hypoallergenic silicone is the safest option to use, the cyber skin material is as close to the human skin as possible, and the double gel vibrator will be the most pliable and soft sex toy you’ve ever met.

Every woman wants to feel new bright sexual emotions from time to time. One of the opportunities to experience this is to choose a large vibrator for you. Such a vibrating massager is able to give a feeling of fullness and endless pleasure, but it should be borne in mind that the giant vibrator is not the best option for the first sex toy.

Made from high-quality materials, the vibrator can be equipped with a venous pattern and a protruding head, which makes the model realistic, and also additionally massages the walls of the vagina.

Large models, like standard-sized vibrators, are equipped with all the necessary functions. You can purchase the variant with a remote or built-in control panel, as well as vibromassager with a large number of modes and powers of vibration.  Another great options is a suction dildo, which allows you to securely fix the vibrator on a hard surface and free your hands for the gentle caress of various erogenous zones. One of the important rules when using a large toy is lubrication. Foreplay allows natural lubrication to avoid pain, or you can use lubricants that are easily available anywhere.

Does Wearing a Butt Plug Make You Feel the Urge to Poop?

Unlike vaginal intercourse, anal penetration can get a tiny bit more tricky for beginners. Firstly, the anal canal is a lot tighter, and anal sex without a lot of lubrication is almost impossible. Well, not impossible, but certainly not as satisfying for both partners, as it can be really painful.

Another obvious thing to point out is the fact that the rectum is home to feces. Therefore, a lot of people fear anal stimulation. They think inserting a butt plug will force the poop to come out instantly. Fortunately, it’s not like that at all.

The rectal erogenous zone, just like genitals, is home to sensitive nerves. Butt play with silicone plugs will undoubtedly relax the anal muscles, which will lead to the feeling of taking a dump. But if the user’s been to the toilet before indulging in butt plug sex, the danger of getting feces on the anal toy or penis is close to none.

Different Ways to Use a Butt Plug Before Inserting It Into the Anus

Unlike its vibrating vaginal cousin, the butt plug is a toy with a special purpose. Namely, before indulging in any anal play, anal plug training is essential. And if you’re thinking: “how do butt plugs work,” we have some pretty useful tips for everyone interested.

Enjoying oral sex before doing booty stuff with these rectal toys can make for a perfect foreplay scenario. Allowing the partner to suck on the medical grade silicone, knowing it’s going inside of their butt later can prove to be great submissive play.

Just like oral stuff, preparing the body for what’s to come can be as useful for further enjoyment as well as for fantastic foreplay. It’s something like killing two birds with one stone. On top of that, playing with warm and/or cold water can make the human body feel good before enjoying a butt plug.

Aside from that, warming or cooling the toy can prove useful. After soaking the plug, touching the rim of the rectum and slowly going around it with the toy can help relax the muscles. Whether it’s the vibrating butt plug or the classic one, going slow in the beginning can prove vital for a better experience.

Moreover, teasing one another can, in some cases, be even more enjoyable than the act itself. Just like flirting, the feeling of anticipation can be the top prize. Therefore, preparation with anal plugs doesn’t need to be just work. It can be fantastic foreplay for both girls and boys.

Also, let’s remind everyone that safety is of utmost importance. There’s no need for excessive play — staying within the boundaries of both partners is a must.

Adult Toys that Can Enhance a Sensual Massage

Sensual or erotic massages arrived from the East. Unlike with other types of massages, their goal is to enhance sexual arousal. Naturally, it means that they are almost a perfect form of foreplay. But don’t be confused — sensual massages are not sex. But, they can provide pleasure and relaxation, among other things. 

A sexual massage is a perfect way for a couple to bring something new to the relationship, and it can be a great way to relieve stress. To make everything more interesting and exciting, you can add sex toys to the equation to make sure that no erogenous zone is forgotten. 

So, prepare candles, blankets, soft ambient music, and take your time until your partner feels like they are in heaven. 

Benefits of a Sensual Massage

One of the main advantages for couples that love sensual massages is becoming more confident. Many people have issues with self-confidence, and being stripped can be an issue. However, erotic massages can help you let go and enjoy yourself with your partner, appreciating each other’s bodies. 

Furthermore, sensual massage can both relax muscles and improve circulation. You will get all the benefits of a regular massage plus the fun that comes with an erotic one. That means that your joints, muscles, tendons, ligaments, as well as erogenous zones, will thank you. 

For women, perineal massages can improve blood flow, reduce pain in the pelvic area, and even ease childbirth. But perineal massages can be great for men too. If you are into prostate massages, you should know that it’s one of the ways to improve erections and ejaculations. Moreover, your body will release built-up fluids, and you will also lower the risk of infections.

Massages can also enhance your relationship. Whether you are in a long relationship, or at the beginning, erotic play can enhance your ability to feel pleasure. As a result, it will strengthen your bond with your partner. 

Finally, it is a great way to relieve stress, tension, and anxiety. It will also allow the person to explore pleasure in a new and exciting way that can lead to a full-body orgasm.

Why Incorporate Sex Toys With Sensual Massage

While it is not necessary to incorporate sex toys with massages, it can be beneficial. One of the main ideas is to stimulate and tease erogenous zones, and a wide variety of toys will be more than helpful. 

The whole purpose of the massage is to make you feel relaxed, and toys can help you with that. Moreover, erotic massages will also tease and can serve as foreplay. Everyone loves massages, and erotic ones seem almost too good to be true. 

Naturally, men aren’t forgotten in this game. Whether you like cock rings, butt plugs, or any other kind of toy, it will help heat up the atmosphere in the bedroom. There are also several prostate massagers that you can try out if you want to experience an orgasm like never before. 

Of course, you don’t have to go wild with toys. There are simpler ones that can get you in the mood while being more confident. A perfect example is vibrating panties that your partner can control. That way, they will stimulate you at a specific moment to ensure you are fully enjoying your massage. 


To make everything even more intense, you can use everyone’s favorite toy — dildo. Whether you choose the standard one or a powerful vibrator, it will undoubtedly spice things up. However, dildos are not the only toys you can use. Besides regular ones, you can try something exciting like rabbit vibrators that can simultaneously tease both clitoris and G-spot. Some are especially fond of double-ended dildos, for obvious reasons.

Furthermore, wand vibrators have been a fan favorite for years. Not only that the person can control the intensity of the toy, but they can also focus on a specific part of the body, like the clitoris, for example. 

Finally, if you are looking to make everything more personal, you can always try out one of the Clone-a-willy kits. They will allow you to create a perfect replica of your loved one’s penis. This way, you can carry him with you wherever you go. 

Butt Plugs

While butt plugs are mostly used as an overture for anal sex, that doesn’t have to be the case. You can find princess plugs that have such an incredible design that you’ll want to wear them in public. Butt plugs come in all colors, shapes, and sizes, and any gender can enjoy wearing them. 

They are also a great help if you are looking for a prostate massager since they can stimulate the inner wall of the prostate. 

Finally, there are cute fox-tail butt plugs for everyone looking for something unique, daring, and fun while princess butt plugs are for making your princess dreams come true. These are available at Loveplugs.ca, so make sure to give them a visit.

Yoni Eggs

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about Yoni eggs. These are small stones, also known as jade or love eggs. While it might seem like a new addition to the adult sex, these stones have been around for over five centuries. 

Yoni means a “sacred space” in Sanskrit, and it refers to female genitalia, which is precisely where these stones will go. In ancient China, they believed that wearing a Yoni egg would help the wearer maintain health, awaken sensuality, and unlock their sexual power. Aside from using yoni eggs in yoga sessions, you can use them as a tool for massage by using them to caress your partner’s erogenous zones, before sliding it in her vagina.

The Use of Essential Oils and Lubricants During Sensual Massage

Even though there are so many toys available on the market, many are reluctant to try out something new. However, having no toy is neither a problem nor an obstacle to having a sensual night. The absence of sex toys can be easily forgotten with essential oils and lubricants. Nothing can compare to massage oils, and the feeling of smoothness will show you how universal language of touch is. 

One of the best things is that most oils are ready to use as soon as you get them. You won’t have to do any special preparation, and all that’s left is to enjoy yourself. 

When it comes to essential oils, the best idea is to find the one that’s perfect for the opportunity. Lavender oil is a great way to relieve stress, peppermint if the person experiences muscle soreness, eucalyptus for reduction of pain, and so on. 

Find the one that both you and your partner will love that has a pleasant scent, and that will make your session memorable.


Various forms of massages have been around for quite a long time, and it doesn’t seem strange that people elevated it to another level. Erotic or sensual massages can serve as stress relief, a way of relaxing, and fantastic foreplay. 

But why stop there? Couples can incorporate a variety of toys into their massage session to make everything even more exciting. Whether you opt for cock rings, dildos, vibrators, or even yoni eggs, there is no doubt that you will enjoy every second of it.

Anal Sex Guide for First Time Bottoms




Imagine this — you’re in the club, looking for your next trick (that’s a hookup for all you Gen Z-ers). You spot a dude hotter than the sun, approach him, and make your move. You guys dance ‘till you can dance no more, and then you drag him out of the club and down the street to an Uber that will serve as your personal stairway to heaven. All the while, you’re kissing and letting your hands wander all over his body.

You fall on your bed, lips meeting, hips grinding up and down. You’re giggling because the guy’s perfect, sweet, and, did we mention hot? His kisses leave goosebumps on your skin, and the Gods graced him with lips made for sucking your cock. And so he does. He sucks it like a champ, and then he pops up and says: “I’m a top.”

Which would be fine, except you never bottomed. So, now what?

An Alpha Top or a Power Bottom?

OK, so this might be a far-fetched scenario straight out of a Queer as Folk episode. Ideally, you’d have a lengthy talk with a potential partner about boundaries, preferred roles in bed, anal play, sex toys, etc. And, ideally, men shouldn’t feel the pressure to limit themselves with labels like “top” and “bottom.

But, also ideally, you should broaden your horizons (and enrich your sex life) by trying both. Anal intercourse can be both wonderful and exhilarating, no matter who’s the receptive partner. If you’re bottoming for the first time, you’re probably intimidated.

Sure, you know what feels good (sort off), and you experimented with butt plugs, prostate toys, or maybe even dildos. After all, gay men are no strangers to anal stimulation (even if they are baby queers). We all tried to catch that magical unicorn of a prostate orgasm as soon as we found out about it. But does that mean you’ll instantly know how to bottom like a pro?

To be honest, probably not. Bottoming includes a lot of prep (like a lot).

A Fresh Start — Cleaning Is Crucial

Power bottoms will be the first ones to tell you that bottoming is a way of life. Fresh-faced boys with virginal asses might think that bottoming takes a lot of experience to master. However, it only takes good prep. And what’s the first step of prep? Cleaning.

There’s more to gay sex than dragging your underwear to your ankles and letting a top pound their little heart out plowing your ass. In fact, we don’t recommend that at all.

Gay sex starts long before a dick goes anywhere near your ass. Now, most will immediately think about rectal douching here. And while it’s true that the bottoms bear the responsibility to keep themselves sparkling clean down there, using a rectal douche still isn’t first on our list. The first step to a clean ass is the diet.

A light, high-fiber diet will make the cleaning process go smoothly. What’s more, you have to plan your sexual activities around your meals (or the other way around). Bottoming after meals isn’t comfortable, so wait at least 3–4 hours before you give it your best shot.

Anal Douches Are a Godsend

Next comes the cleaning. Cleanliness is vital both for health and for your peace of mind. You don’t want to bottom thinking you’re dirty down there.

If you use a device for cleaning (i.e., a douche), make sure it isn’t oil- or saline-based. Regular old soap and water will do just fine. Oil is too messy, and saline solutions will burn your rectum so severely that you won’t be able to think about sex, let alone bottoming. 

Anal cleansers that you can use in the shower will clean you out effectively and quickly. If you aren’t a fan of this, get an enema douche and go to town. 

A Little Training Goes a Long Way

If you’ve never tried shoving a finger (or a toy) up your butt, now’s a perfect time. Trust us — you do NOT want the first thing to penetrate you to be the dick of your insertive partner. 

Squatt in the shower and take advantage of your soapy fingers to feel around your rim, and maybe slip a finger inside. See how it feels!

Since most of you have already done that, there’s no need to get down to the dirty details of fingering yourself. However, to truly prepare yourself for bottoming, consider using anal training kits. 

Anal Training Kits

These will help ease you into the world of blissful anal pleasure — one inch at a time.

Anal training kits usually have several anal toys in them. As a bonus, some kits also come with douches. That’s a handy way to knock two birds with one stone.

So, invest in an anal kit that will train your pucker and get it used to the delicious burn of a proper stretch. Of course, it’s always advisable you start small. If you’ve never dabbled in the glorious anal play of any kind, get a kit that has a tiny, slim plug as a starter toy and work your way up.

Pay attention to the flexibility of the toys in the kit as well. You might think that the more flexibility a toy has, the better, but if you’re prepping for the gay sex Olympics (aka bottoming), a toy that’s too flexible won’t be of much help. Something more rigid will go a long way in training your anal muscle control, endurance, and strength.

(Vibrating) Prostate Massagers 

If you want to step up your game and discover ALL the tempting benefits of anal play, try masturbating with a prostate massager. Massagers that can reach your prostate are excellent preparation for actually bottoming because they are longer than plugs. 

You can work your way up to a massager after you bottom your way through your anal training kit. These toys are excellent, and they WILL get you hooked up to bottoming. Their smart curve makes reaching your prostate an easy task. You’ll go from fishing in the dark to hitting what feels like the core of your soul in no time.

Lube UP!

You can never apply too much lube. Lubricant is the most vital part of anal play. A high-quality product will make the slide easier and diminish the chances of tearing and other injuries. Remember, dry bottoms are sad bottoms.

Those who shy away from bottoming because they are scared it will hurt should know that the brilliant sex toy industry has the solution for them. Numbing lubes are now a thing, and they have revolutionized anal sex. You don’t need a lot, so you can buy a desensitizing lube and mix it in with your regular lube. It will take away that initial sting of pain.

Another handy product to have is a lube launcher or a lube shooter. It will make sure you’re properly prepped everywhere. It comes in handy if your partner is particularly endowed (you lucky bottom, you!)

A Few Parting Words

Bottoming is not rocket science, but it’s also not an easy task. So, if you decide to try it, make sure to prep properly. Just remember to relax and stop clenching (you’ll do it because you’ll think you’re pooping, but don’t worry, you aren’t, the sensation is just similar.). 

If, in the end, you decide bottoming isn’t for you, that’s perfectly fine. Not all of us are born to be greedy bottoms. Perhaps you can try out cock cages instead. They are intimidating I know but, Cock cages can increase pleasure if used correctly. 

No matter which position you choose, make sure always to protect yourself and your partner. No glove, no love — especially with new partners. 


Introducing Sex Toys for Couples to Your Relationship

Sometimes we end up in a sexual rut. Sure, a routine can be nice. Knowing what exactly we have to do to bring our partner to a quick and dirty climax makes us feel powerful. Still, sometimes we need to put some pep in our step and spice things up. 

Luckily, there are myriad ways to make our sex lives fresh and adventurous instead of the equivalent of a wet sponge. Using adult toys can breathe life into our stale sex lives. They can spark up that long-forgotten sexual desire for exciting couples’ play.

Sex toys for couples open new horizons for couples who think their sexual activities lack just a little bit of that famous “oomph.” 

But how do we broach the topic with our partners? We can’t simply say, “Hey, I have this remote-controlled bullet vibrator, wanna try it out?” and call it a day. 

Why Even Do It?

Sex therapists recommend being sexually bold and using sex toys. A study published in 2013 showed that married couples who walk on the wild side and use toys during oral and penetrative sex are more sexually satisfied than those who stick to the good old penis-in-vagina shtick.  In fact, the sales increase of chastity devices and other adult toys says a lot about how effective these are when it comes to improving your sexuality.

So sex toys are our gateway to fantastic sex. A trip to the sex shop can do wonders for our satisfaction levels and self-esteem. Even a little bit of massage oil will spice things up enough and renew that fading spark in our relationship. But how do we introduce sex toys into a toyless relationship?

Don’t Be Too Hasty 

We all want to put our best foot forward when in a new relationship. We whip out all our moves (even if we only have a couple). Ultimately, we want to make sure our partner knows they’ll have a good time with us. 

While that’s an admirable strategy, we have to make sure to hold our horses (or horse dildos) until our new partner is at least semi-comfortable with us. It takes a bit of vulnerability and a lot of honesty to bring up sex toys. However, while we might be all up for it from the get-go, we still have to test the waters with our new partner. 

Open communication is always a must for any relationship, but we have to be careful what we share and when — we don’t want to scare them off or make them think they don’t satisfy us sexually.

Do Your Research

Those of us who already have a sex toy or two probably know what we’d suggest to our partners for an enhanced couples’ sex experience. While solo play is an excellent research method, it’s not enough. That’s especially true for partners of the opposite sex. Just because we love our spot stimulator, that doesn’t mean our partner will enjoy that version of anal sex.

Furthermore, we also have to know what the wild, wild world of sex toys have to offer. Which types of sex toys even exit? Which of those are the best for beginners? You need to have answers to these and many more questions before you can even think of opening the topic of sex toys with your partner.

Consider your and your partner’s usual turn-ons and go from there. If you both love oral sex, go on a quest for knowledge of which sex toys can enhance it. Those of us who think they might be into pegging need to have all the information on the ideal toys for that adventure. They can’t just buy a strapon dildo and say, “Honey, guess what?”

Communication Is Key

Being open and honest about your desires will get you a long way toward your goal (of toy-assisted, toe-curling orgasms). To make your partner receptive to your ideas, you have to tell them why you want something sincerely. 

A lot of people feel uneasy about sex toys for couples. They can get the impression that their sexual prowess and stamina aren’t enough and that they lack in a lot of areas. To avoid that, reassure your partner that you think sex toys can make sex more exciting and pleasurable for both of you. 

Choose Sex Toys Together

Shopping for sex toys can never be dull. Even if you’re on your own, you’ll have a blast because there are so many choices out there. However, taking your partner along for the ride can not only help you broach the topic of introducing sex toys into your relationship but also instantly make your relationship more heated. 

Choosing sex toys together enhances the anticipation and makes for an exciting adventure. Even if you don’t end up buying anything, you’ll get all hot and bothered. It practically guarantees a steamy sex session when you get home (or before, we don’t judge — just don’t get caught).

Alternatively, if you or your partner are too shy to strut bravely through a sex shop door, you can always shop online. Take one afternoon to browse through the options together. Sure, it will take some time for the toy to get to your home, but you can still have some fun while you’re waiting.

Encourage Alone Time

If your partner doesn’t see the appeal of sex toys, encourage them to try them out on their own. They might be too shy or apprehensive because they feel like they can’t keep up with you. If you’re a veteran when it comes to sex toys, encourage your partner to take one of your gadgets (or buy one for them, if they are up for it), and take it for a spin while tucked away safely from any prying eyes (even yours).

We have to be completely comfortable with both ourselves and our partner to experiment with sex toys (or anything else). It’s OK if your partner isn’t there yet. A bit of solo play will give them a chance to see (and feel) what you’ve been trying to explain to them and get them on board.

However, if they still aren’t keen on the idea after that, don’t push. Both partners should enthusiastically consent to everything that goes on in the bedroom. If you force your partner to do something just because you want it, you’ll both have a lousy time. 

A Few Parting Words

Trying out new things in the bedroom should be fun and exciting for all parties. Make sure to follow our advice on how to introduce the topic of sex toys into your relationship. Otherwise, you might end up playing solo after it.

The Fluffiest and Sexiest Tail Plugs

Tail plugs are so much more than mere sex toys. They offer the best of both worlds as they not only stimulate the person wearing them, but they also reinforce and improve the quality of petplay. 

Petplay or animal play is a type of roleplay where one partner takes on the role of an animal of their (or their partner’s) choice. This type of play usually includes a submissive (Pet) and a Dominant (Owner or Handler).

Although accessories aren’t as important for petplay as the state of mind, they do make the entire experience much more memorable.  

Why Petplay Roleplay Is Popular and Sexy to Some People

Not all couples find the prospect of petplay appealing. Not even everyone who is elbows deep into the BDSM community does, and that’s perfectly valid. 

Petplay includes elements of ownership, relinquishing (or taking) responsibility, and sometimes even humiliation. So some of you are right to wonder why even try it out.

For a submissive, the role of the pet makes them feel liberated. They enjoy not having any responsibilities other adult humans have. What’s more, they love having another person be entirely in charge of every little decision about their life. That way, they can completely let go of control and be more carefree. How many problems or daily stress inducers does an average real-life pet have, anyway? Probably very few, which is the point of taking on a pet persona and enjoying being owned by the Handler. 

On the other hand, the Owners enjoy training their pets and molding their behavior into something they find appealing, acceptable, and reward-worthy. They also get to hold the reins of someone else’s life in their hands, which is a huge rush and a massive responsibility at the same time.

The Vast World of Petplay

Not every pet/Owner relationship is the same. Each couple has their own set of needs and expectations. Some like to be in their pet persona as long as possible, while others only do it occasionally when the real world gets to be too much. 

The most significant differences in petplay, aside from the approach, are the pet personas. A sub can choose their own pet persona, based on their own personality traits, or their Dom can choose it for them. 

The most common pets out there are puppies, kittens, and ponies. However, there are also some wild bushy-tailed animals thrown in the mix, such as foxes, fawns, and wolves, as well as a mythical creature or two. Some people simply get off on pretending to be a Fenix, so what?

Because there are a lot of different pets out there, there are a lot of accessories (animal tails included) available as well. Here are the fluffiest and sexiest ones, just in case you were having trouble picking your pet persona.

Kitten Tail Plug

Kitten tail plugs are butt plugs that have a long and sleek tail attached to the base that are a staple part of kitten play. They come in many different colors, just like real kittens make for a whole fluffy and adorable rainbow. For an extra effect, you can pair them up with kitten ears of the same fur color.

The most important factor of any butt plug is the flared base. No matter what type of kitten tail plug you go for, you have to make sure the base is secure enough that it won’t cause any mishaps. You might not think that is a potential problem. After all, there’s a giant tail at the end of the plug; it’s not like it’s going anywhere, right? Well, vigorous pet play can have consequences. 

Namely, you can rip the fluffy part of the tail plug from the base. And if the base isn’t flared, you’d be in for a quick and mortifying trip to the ER.  Our number one tip is to get tail plugs from trusted stores. Loveplugs.co.ok has a Huge selection of cat tails, all their products are known for their premium quality.

Pony Tail Plug

Pony play is another common type of petplay, and it’s most common in MSFD relationships (male sub, female Dom). These plugs can be made out of hair (and resemble a real horse tail) or rubber. It’s a matter of personal preference which one you choose.

All pet tail plugs are usually made from synthetic rubber. However, there are manufacturers out there who specialize in realistic tail plugs and have a variety of real horse hair plugs to offer. So, if you’re vegan, make sure you pay attention to that. Either way, pony tail plugs are sleek and longer than car or fox tails.

Still, there’s a lot of variety when it comes to pony tail plugs. Depending on what your pony persona is, you can go for a sleek tail or a bushy one. Wild horses don’t have polished, glistening tails, but good, trained ponies do. So pick one that best fits you. 

Wolf Tail Plug

Bushier than all its other counterparts, wolf tail plugs are usually dark. Reddish-brown, chocolate brown, and black are the most common tail colors out there, although those who imagine their inner wolves a bit differently will be able to find other tail types as well.

All tail plugs come in various shapes and sizes. What’s more, some have a detachable tail with a magnet system, which means that you can pick and choose which tail to pair up with which butt plug.

Wolf play is usually more aggressive in nature. Wolves are wild beasts, apex predators, and can be vicious. Therefore, taming one is no easy task. So while choosing a plug, make sure that no amount of tugging can detach the tail part from the plug base. And if that does happen, make sure to pick one with a flared base.

Unicorn Tail Plug

Unicorn tail plugs are as gorgeous as they are elegant, especially since they’re considered as some of the prettiest tail plugs out there. Rainbow coloring is the most prominent in this category. However, you can also find holo tails and iridescent, shimmery tails that sparkle in the sun. Pastel colors with an ombre effect are also quite popular with those into Unicorn petplay. 

Although there are some sleek unicorn tails, you’ll mostly find big, bushy, wavy tails on the market. With a “go big or go home” motto, unicorn tail plugs don’t mess around when it comes to size.

Unicorn play isn’t that common in the BDSM or fetish community. However, because of the sheer popularity of unicorns and other mythical creatures in the last couple of decades, people outside of these communities started showing interest in occasional petplay for fun. If we’re honest, that’s where Unicorns reign supreme. So the sex toy market had to adapt. That’s why you can find a wide variety of unicorn tail plugs out there.

Unicorn tails usually have silicone or glass plugs. What’s more, these toys are generally as colorful and fun looking as the tails themselves. 

A Few Parting Words

Tail plugs are adorable, sexy, and seductive. They bring the entire fantasy of petplay one step closer to reality. What’s more, they are also fun and pleasurable to wear. Although, those a bit more enthusiastic should be careful! Once you get one tail, you might not be able to stop! After all, one can never have too many accessories, right?





5 Best Positions When Using Butt Plugs

Anal sex and anal sex toys are a special and very exciting form† of sexual stimulation. More and more men and women are experiencing this anal stimulation as a special sexual experience. Anyone wishing to try a butt plug for the first time may have questions about the exciting subject of “Butt plug sex positions “, and experienced users may be curious to see which models they can use for the next game:

What are anal plugs or anal plugs?

Anal plugs, often called butt plugs, or post capsules, are sex toys intended for anal stimulation. They look similar to a dildo, but are usually smaller in size than conventional vibrators or vaginal stimulators. Butt plugs are slightly rounded at the insertion side to make the insertion easier. The lower part of the plugs consists of a larger, rounded surface, which completely prevents the plug from slipping completely into the anal area. The ergonomic concept of anal sex toys is designed to stay in place and not slip during use, these basics are part of every plug, but there are an infinite number of different shapes, colors, materials and models.

Who are butt plugs suitable for?

Anal plugs are for those who want to experience anal stimulation as exciting or tingling anal sensations. Whether for the preparation for anal intercourse or for pure stimulation: Butt plugs are suitable for all women and men, whether beginner or expert, homosexual or heterosexual. Couples who love exploring use butt plugs to enhance sexy time.  Smaller plugs or plug sets with different sizes are especially suitable for beginners. If you start with a small butt plug, you can slowly get used to the pleasant feeling in the anal area, relax the rectal muscles and are stretched slightly. If the plugs are used for pure stimulation, then there are also countless models for every taste. For men, anal plugs with a focus on the P-point are interesting, since the prostate stimulation an anal or strong orgasm can be caused.

Which models are available?

There are different models with different sizes and designs. If you are a beginner, you may opt to purchase a set. This way, you don’t need to purchase another toy once your anus is ready for a larger toy. Here other models that are popular among butt plug enthusiasts:

Butt plug with crystal

An anal plug with ornamental stone is a beautiful anal gem. Their design makes these plugs a real eye-catcher and ensures a pleasant anal stimulation. These plugs are mostly made of metal and have both corrugated body and smooth surfaces. Ribbed models give rise to even more intense sensations and guarantee even more enjoyment during insertion.

Butt plug with tail

Role play Butt plugs provide an exciting look and are a must have for any Animal Play. Would you like to stage an exciting role-playing game with your partner? Then, in addition to a matching costume, the plug with tail or pompom should not be missing. The plugs in this category literally turn you into a sexy beast! Are you a clever fox, a cuddly kitten, a submissive dog, a nimble bunny or a hot mare? Would you like to discover more of the animal game accessories? In the category Animal Play you will find everything you need for a good animal RPG! If you’re interested, you can visit the LP collection of animal tails.

Inflatable plugs

Inflatable butt plugs can go from small to large by pumping it by hand. This type of butt plug gives couples the power to adjust its size depending on their mood, experience level, or during their anal play. The one wearing the plug can fully relax, while the other one slowly pumps it up to desired size and comfort. It becomes a stimulating game when the inflatable plug is inserted into the partner and the other part holds the power in his hands. If the plug is used by the partner, then it is essential to pay attention to his reactions, so that it is also a pleasure for all involved.

Classic anal plugs

The classic plugs are probably the most famous plugs among the Anal toys. The classic butt plug can be recognized by its narrow, rounded tip, the narrow neck and the flat underside or a pull ring. They are available in various sizes and shapes. Ask yourself what you feel comfortable and decide then only for a plug. Do you want an anal plug that slips effortlessly into the sphincter? Then you should opt for a smooth model. Also think about which material inspires and excites you. A silicone plug is flexible and adapts to the body even easier than, for example, a steel anal plug, The latter can provide stimulating cold-war sensations and are easier to introduce.

Prostate Plugs

The P-point is, so to speak, the male G-spot. This refers to the prostate, a gland that truly deserves a lot of attention. A prostate stimulation not only provides for a more intense sexual arousal, but can also produce stronger orgasms. A prostate plug provides targeted stimulation as the curved shape massages the prostate gland, which is about 6 cm behind the anus. The P-point is perfectly stimulated by the ergonomic shape.

Tunnel anal plugs

Everything is possible with a hollow plug. Open plugs have a hole and an open tip. You can thus massage the sphincter from the inside out. Anal tunnel plugs facilitate the penetration and the introduction of lubricant becomes an unprecedented ease. Some of these hollow plugs can be pushed over the penis to penetrate the partner. A ribbed structure or nubs provide additional stimulation.

Vibrating anal plugs

A vibrating plug provides double pleasure as stimulation and vibration take place at the same time. In addition, vibrating plugs are also suitable for prostate stimulation. The vibrations provide a deep excitement.

XXL anal plugs

For all experts and those who have already gained a lot of experience with anal plugs, there are extra big plugs. The XXL plugs ensure a really full anal feeling. These plugs are available in a variety of shapes and designs and not only for extreme stimulation but also for enormous XXL sensations.

Which lubricant is used in anal plugs?

The insertion of Butt Plugs must always be supported by a suitable lubricant to avoid pain or lacerations. There are a few things to remember when choosing the lubricant: Only use oil-based lubricants as they will not dry out the anus and anal area. Note, however, that oil-based lubricants are not compatible with condoms or silicone or latex toys. Use special anal lubricant!

Does Wearing a Butt Plug While Vaginal Intercourse Add a Different Sensation?

Just like having sex in a new position, intercourse with an anal butt plug can prove to be a whole other dimension. It’s not a secret that people get bored with the basics pretty quickly. Hence, they opt to try something new. From changing roles to exchanging places, couples nowadays go for a mixture of traditional intercourse and sex toys.

So, can getting down on your hands and knees in a doggy style position with a butt plug in your ass up the game? Most people think that it can, and we can’t blame them. By teasing another erogenous zone while receiving clitoral stimulation, women get the double package. On the other hand, their partners get the satisfaction of controlling the whole thing.

Thrusting the vibrating anal plug in and out of the rectum while having oral sex is also an option. Basically, everything can work with standard or electric butt plugs. These sex products just give another dimension to the whole experience.

With butt plugs, both partners can enjoy sex, be it via intercourse or a blow job. Also, cock ring-wearing men can plug their asses while they “dog style” fuck their partner. The possibilities are endless, and pleasure is guaranteed!

Is It Safe to Have Sex While Wearing an Electric Butt Plug?

Let’s be frank here. They are safe as long as you follow the basic instructions the manufacturers offer along with their products. Using plugs for something they’re not designed for can cause problems, but that’s fairly obvious, isn’t it? Well, some people aren’t aware of the basics, so let’s talk a bit about them.

Firstly, using lube with anal sex toys is a must. The rectal canal is tight, so putting an object in it while the muscles are not relaxed can make for a pretty painful experience. Plugging electric stuff in the butt will not be a problem as long as you use enough lube.

Keeping the toy clean and not sharing it after rectal use is essential. As we all know, exchanging feces and bacteria can cause serious health problems. Also, suffering electroshocks while washing the battery-charged toy after use won’t be a problem as long as the device is off.

We recommend people with existing prostate conditions or hemorrhoids stay away from some more insane plugs out there. Causing additional damage to an existing problem isn’t smart at all. Testing your health damaged genitals before consulting a doctor, in general, is a big no. Safety should always be in the first place!




Is it Safe to Have Sex During Pregnancy?

Safety measures and boundaries are healthy and necessary. But the desire to make them drastic increases as the maternal instinct kicks in. That still shouldn’t stop you from engaging in and enjoying sex the way you’ve done it before. You only need to keep a few things in mind.

Sounds like an easy enough task, no? 

Consider this article your therapy session because it’ll put your mind at ease and answer all the questions you had coming here.

Can Your Partner’s Penis Penetrate Your Vagina and Hurt Your Baby?

It’s normal to have many concerns during pregnancy, such as: will I need a tummy tuck after this? Generally, you want to steer clear of anything that can harm your little bundle of joy. But what about, well, your joy? 

Having a high sex drive is normal during pregnancies because your hormones will go wild. And, luckily, pregnant sex can in no way harm your baby as a mucous plug forms on the cervix, preventing the fetus from being the third wheel while you’re getting it on. Now that you know that, your hormones aren’t the only ones that should be going wild.

Masturbation Is Safe Even With the Use of Sex Toys

In case you want to opt for something that you have more control over, you should make like dirty Alice and jump down the wondrous masturbation hole. Usage of adult sex toys during pregnancies isn’t unheard of. Checking in with your health care provider is always your safest bet, but it’s highly likely that anything you’ve used before pregnancy will be safe to use again. 

Sex toys for pregnant women haven’t been invented yet. But, the rule of thumb is, as always, being gentle and avoiding harsh materials (such as plastic or metal). Stick to smooth silicone instead, and you’ll be on your way to Wonderland in no time. That’s why special dildos for pregnant women should be made. Who doesn’t want the luxury and comfort of something explicitly made with them in mind? We’d be on board with that. So if you have been asking yourself are vibrators safe during pregnancy, then there’s your answer. It’s definitely safe!


Orgasm Helps You Relax During Pregnancy

It’s no secret that pregnancy is no carefree walk in the park with your sweet, newly adopted puppy. It’s more like you’ve managed to do all your job-related tasks for today, and now it’s 7 pm, but you have to come back home to your giant, adorable dog that needs at least an hour-long walk that you don’t know how you’ll push through.  Also, for some bizarre reason, everything makes you cry. 

At the end of the day, it’s all worth it, yes. But you’d still kill for a small break. And guess what? You can and should take a break. Orgasms can get rid of the stress you might be feeling and even make you sleep better. And the best part of it all is it’s perfectly safe as orgasm contractions aren’t the same as pregnancy contractions. Hence, they cannot induce labor or cause any complications. It’s, basically, a walk in the park.

Anal Sex Is Okay as Long as You Don’t Switch From Anal to Vaginal Sex to Avoid Infection

If all else fails, you can always turn to what has always had your back, and you’ve guessed it — it’s your behind. 

Anal play is something we’ve all at least thought of once in our lives, but engaging in it is a whole different story. It requires conversations with your partner, comfortability of you both, and setting clear boundaries, just in case things don’t go any further than they should. 

Like any other type of sex we’ve mentioned so far, anal sex is safe to practice while you’re carrying. However, there is one thing that we must point out, even though it seems painfully obvious.  

Namely, just like you don’t wipe back-to-front, you shouldn’t switch between anal and vaginal sex because bacteria are easily transferable from one place to another, and that may cause an infection in both you and your developing fetus. So don’t go down THAT rabbit hole. Again, you want to avoid infection during intercourse, so make sure to be extra cautious, and consult your doctor about it.

Sex could be a huge concern to some couples during a woman’s pregnancy. It could turn into frustration if not managed well especially for men. As a solution, some couples even use a cock cage to contain their man’s libido. For couples who practice chastity play even before pregnancy, wearing chastity devices while doing oral on you could be another thrill to the game. They key is to be creative, and you will make it through  your pregnancy while having fun.


To simplify — if something feels good, chances are it’s also good for your baby. Unwinding and relaxing can sometimes be hard, but many solutions can help you on your journey. Whether you want the help of your partner or a sex toy, guidelines are to be gentle, listen to yourself, and how your body reacts, and you’ll agree that’s nothing to stress about getting into pregnancy sex.

What Every American Generation Gets Wrong About Sex

It was January 1964, and America was on the brink of cultural upheaval. In less than a month, the Beatles would land at JFK for the first time, providing an outlet for the hormonal enthusiasms of teenage girls everywhere. The previous spring, Betty Friedan had published The Feminine Mystique, giving voice to the languor of middle-class housewives and kick-starting second-wave feminism in the process. In much of the country, the Pill was still only available to married women, but it had nonetheless become a symbol of a new, freewheeling sexuality.

And in the offices of TIME, at least one writer was none too happy about it. The United States was undergoing an ethical revolution, the magazine argued in an un-bylined 5000-word cover essay, which had left young people morally at sea.

The article depicted a nation awash in sex: in its pop music and on the Broadway stage, in the literature of writers like Norman Mailer and Henry Miller, and in the look-but-don’t-touch boudoir of the Playboy Club, which had opened four years earlier. “Greeks who have grown up with the memory of Aphrodite can only gape at the American goddess, silken and seminude, in a million advertisements,” the magazine declared.

But of greatest concern was the “revolution of [social] mores” the article described, which meant that sexual morality, once fixed and overbearing, was now “private and relative” – a matter of individual interpretation. Sex was no longer a source of consternation but a cause for celebration; its presence not what made a person morally suspect, but rather its absence.

A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now

A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium.

The essay may have been published half a century ago, but the concerns it raises continue to loom large in American culture today. TIME’s 1964 fears about the long-term psychological effects of sex in popular culture (“no one can really calculate the effect this exposure is having on individual lives and minds”) mirror today’s concerns about the impacts of internet pornography and Miley Cyrus videos. Its descriptions of “champagne parties for teenagers” and “padded brassieres for twelve-year-olds” could have been lifted from any number of contemporary articles on the sexualization of children.

Another Study Shows That ‘Hookup Culture’ Is a Myth

Confessions of a Lumbersexual
We can see the early traces of the late-2000s panic about “hook-up culture” in its observations about the rise of premarital sex on college campuses. Even the legal furors it details feel surprisingly contemporary. The 1964 story references the arrest of a Cleveland mother for giving information about birth control to “her delinquent daughter.” In September 2014, a Pennsylvania mother was sentenced to a minimum of 9 months in prison for illegally purchasing her 16-year-old daughter prescription medication to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

But what feels most modern about the essay is its conviction that while the rebellions of the past were necessary and courageous, today’s social changes have gone a bridge too far. The 1964 editorial was titled “The Second Sexual Revolution” — a nod to the social upheavals that had transpired 40 years previously, in the devastating wake of the First World War, “when flaming youth buried the Victorian era and anointed itself as the Jazz Age.” Back then, TIME argued, young people had something truly oppressive to rise up against. The rebels of the 1960s, on the other hand, had only the “tattered remnants” of a moral code to defy. “In the 1920s, to praise sexual freedom was still outrageous,” the magazine opined, “today sex is simply no longer shocking.”

Today, the sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s are typically portrayed as brave and daring, and their predecessors in the 1920s forgotten. But the overarching story of an oppressive past and a debauched, out-of-control present has remained consistent. As Australian newspaper The Age warned in 2009: “[m]any teenagers and young adults have turned the free-sex mantra of the 1970s into a lifestyle, and older generations simply don’t have a clue.”

The truth is that the past is neither as neutered, nor the present as sensationalistic, as the stories we tell ourselves about each of them suggest. Contrary to the famous Philip Larkin poem, premarital sex did not begin in 1963. The “revolution” that we now associate with the late 1960s and early 1970s was more an incremental evolution: set in motion as much by the publication of Marie Stopes’s Married Love in 1918, or the discovery that penicillin could be used to treat syphilis in 1943, as it was by the FDA’s approval of the Pill in 1960. The 1950s weren’t as buttoned up as we like to think, and nor was the decade that followed them a “free love” free-for-all.

Similarly, the sex lives of today’s teenagers and twentysomethings are not all that different from those of their Gen Xer and Boomer parents. A study published in The Journal of Sex Research this year found that although young people today are more likely to have sex with a casual date, stranger or friend than their counterparts 30 years ago were, they do not have any more sexual partners — or for that matter, more sex — than their parents did.

This is not to say that the world is still exactly as it was in 1964. If moralists then were troubled by the emergence of what they called “permissiveness with affection” — that is, the belief that love excused premarital sex – such concerns now seem amusingly old-fashioned. Love is no longer a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; and nor, for that matter, is intimacy a prerequisite for sex. For people born after 1980, the most important sexual ethic is not about how or with whom you have sex, but open-mindedness. As one young man amongst the hundreds I interviewed for my forthcoming book on contemporary sexual politics, a 32-year-old call-center worker from London, put it, “Nothing should be seen as alien, or looked down upon as wrong.”

But America hasn’t transformed into the “sex-affirming culture” TIME predicted it would half a century ago, either. Today, just as in 1964, sex is all over our TV screens, in our literature and infused in the rhythms of popular music. A rich sex life is both a necessity and a fashion accessory, promoted as the key to good health, psychological vitality and robust intimate relationships. But sex also continues to be seen as a sinful and corrupting force: a view that is visible in the ongoing ideological battles over abortion and birth control, the discourses of abstinence education, and the treatment of survivors of rape and sexual assault.

If the sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s made a mistake, it was in assuming that these two ideas – that sex is the origin of all sin, and that it is the source of human transcendence – were inherently opposed, and that one could be overcome by pursuing the other. The “second sexual revolution” was more than just a change in sexual behavior. It was a shift in ideology: a rejection of a cultural order in which all kinds of sex were had (un-wed pregnancies were on the rise decades before the advent of the Pill), but the only type of sex it was acceptable to have was married, missionary and between a man and a woman. If this was oppression, it followed that doing the reverse — that is to say, having lots of sex, in lots of different ways, with whomever you liked — would be freedom.

But today’s twentysomethings aren’t just distinguished by their ethic of openmindedness. They also have a different take on what constitutes sexual freedom; one that reflects the new social rules and regulations that their parents and grandparents unintentionally helped to shape.

Millennials are mad about slut-shaming, homophobia and rape culture, yes. But they are also critical of the notion that being sexually liberated means having a certain type — and amount — of sex. “There is still this view that having sex is an achievement in some way,” observes Courtney, a 22-year-old digital media strategist living in Washington DC. “But I don’t want to just be sex-positive. I want to be ‘good sex’-positive.” And for Courtney, that means resisting the temptation to have sex she doesn’t want, even it having it would make her seem (and feel) more progressive.

Back in 1964, TIME observed a similar contradiction in the battle for sexual freedom, noting that although the new ethic had alleviated some of pressure to abstain from sex, the “competitive compulsion to prove oneself an acceptable sexual machine” had created a new kind of sexual guilt: the guilt of not being sexual enough.

For all our claims of openmindedness, both forms of anxiety are still alive and well today – and that’s not just a function of either excess or repression. It’s a consequence of a contradiction we are yet to find a way to resolve, and which lies at the heart of sexual regulation in our culture: the sense that sex can be the best thing or the worst thing, but it is always important, always significant, and always central to who we are.

It’s a contradiction we could still stand to challenge today, and doing so might just be key to our ultimate liberation.