Sometimes we end up in a sexual rut. Sure, a routine can be nice. Knowing what exactly we have to do to bring our partner to a quick and dirty climax makes us feel powerful. Still, sometimes we need to put some pep in our step and spice things up.
Luckily, there are myriad ways to make our sex lives fresh and adventurous instead of the equivalent of a wet sponge. Using adult toys can breathe life into our stale sex lives. They can spark up that long-forgotten sexual desire for exciting couples’ play.
Sex toys for couples open new horizons for couples who think their sexual activities lack just a little bit of that famous “oomph.”
But how do we broach the topic with our partners? We can’t simply say, “Hey, I have this remote-controlled bullet vibrator, wanna try it out?” and call it a day.
Why Even Do It?
Sex therapists recommend being sexually bold and using sex toys. A study published in 2013 showed that married couples who walk on the wild side and use toys during oral and penetrative sex are more sexually satisfied than those who stick to the good old penis-in-vagina shtick. In fact, the sales increase of chastity devices and other adult toys says a lot about how effective these are when it comes to improving your sexuality.
So sex toys are our gateway to fantastic sex. A trip to the sex shop can do wonders for our satisfaction levels and self-esteem. Even a little bit of massage oil will spice things up enough and renew that fading spark in our relationship. But how do we introduce sex toys into a toyless relationship?
Don’t Be Too Hasty
We all want to put our best foot forward when in a new relationship. We whip out all our moves (even if we only have a couple). Ultimately, we want to make sure our partner knows they’ll have a good time with us.
While that’s an admirable strategy, we have to make sure to hold our horses (or horse dildos) until our new partner is at least semi-comfortable with us. It takes a bit of vulnerability and a lot of honesty to bring up sex toys. However, while we might be all up for it from the get-go, we still have to test the waters with our new partner.
Open communication is always a must for any relationship, but we have to be careful what we share and when — we don’t want to scare them off or make them think they don’t satisfy us sexually.
Do Your Research
Those of us who already have a sex toy or two probably know what we’d suggest to our partners for an enhanced couples’ sex experience. While solo play is an excellent research method, it’s not enough. That’s especially true for partners of the opposite sex. Just because we love our spot stimulator, that doesn’t mean our partner will enjoy that version of anal sex.
Furthermore, we also have to know what the wild, wild world of sex toys have to offer. Which types of sex toys even exit? Which of those are the best for beginners? You need to have answers to these and many more questions before you can even think of opening the topic of sex toys with your partner.
Consider your and your partner’s usual turn-ons and go from there. If you both love oral sex, go on a quest for knowledge of which sex toys can enhance it. Those of us who think they might be into pegging need to have all the information on the ideal toys for that adventure. They can’t just buy a strapon dildo and say, “Honey, guess what?”
Communication Is Key
Being open and honest about your desires will get you a long way toward your goal (of toy-assisted, toe-curling orgasms). To make your partner receptive to your ideas, you have to tell them why you want something sincerely.
A lot of people feel uneasy about sex toys for couples. They can get the impression that their sexual prowess and stamina aren’t enough and that they lack in a lot of areas. To avoid that, reassure your partner that you think sex toys can make sex more exciting and pleasurable for both of you.
Choose Sex Toys Together
Shopping for sex toys can never be dull. Even if you’re on your own, you’ll have a blast because there are so many choices out there. However, taking your partner along for the ride can not only help you broach the topic of introducing sex toys into your relationship but also instantly make your relationship more heated.
Choosing sex toys together enhances the anticipation and makes for an exciting adventure. Even if you don’t end up buying anything, you’ll get all hot and bothered. It practically guarantees a steamy sex session when you get home (or before, we don’t judge — just don’t get caught).
Alternatively, if you or your partner are too shy to strut bravely through a sex shop door, you can always shop online. Take one afternoon to browse through the options together. Sure, it will take some time for the toy to get to your home, but you can still have some fun while you’re waiting.
Encourage Alone Time
If your partner doesn’t see the appeal of sex toys, encourage them to try them out on their own. They might be too shy or apprehensive because they feel like they can’t keep up with you. If you’re a veteran when it comes to sex toys, encourage your partner to take one of your gadgets (or buy one for them, if they are up for it), and take it for a spin while tucked away safely from any prying eyes (even yours).
We have to be completely comfortable with both ourselves and our partner to experiment with sex toys (or anything else). It’s OK if your partner isn’t there yet. A bit of solo play will give them a chance to see (and feel) what you’ve been trying to explain to them and get them on board.
However, if they still aren’t keen on the idea after that, don’t push. Both partners should enthusiastically consent to everything that goes on in the bedroom. If you force your partner to do something just because you want it, you’ll both have a lousy time.
A Few Parting Words
Trying out new things in the bedroom should be fun and exciting for all parties. Make sure to follow our advice on how to introduce the topic of sex toys into your relationship. Otherwise, you might end up playing solo after it.