There’s no need to waste words and talk about 2020, is there? Most of us are pretty much in shock and can’t comprehend the gravity of the situation. Being unable to go to work or visit our friends and family is so depressing and strange. However, it gets even worse if you’re all alone and want to go out and hook up with someone.

Sex Life in 2020 BC (Before Corona)

Not that long ago, during the good old times, people were all over the nightlife scene. In wild clubs and fancy bars, men and women were looking for a quick hook up and easy sex afterward. Articles were full of sex tips and pieces of dating advice, but it all had to stop. The Covid-19 pandemic changed everything.

Nevertheless, sexual health was still as important as it is today. Using condoms and choosing sexual partners carefully was always the norm. No matter if you’re a member of the LGBTQ community or straight, taking STIs seriously is paramount to both your and your partner’s safety. It’s important not to forget that.

Either way, we don’t mean to bring you down. Things will change sooner or later, and we’ll get a chance to get back to our old ways at some point. A safe vaccine will eventually come our way, providing life with an opportunity to slowly but surely turn around. But until that day comes, it’s important to take care of your and your close ones’ safety.

What You Need to Know

It was back in late 2019 when we first heard about a novel virus. Still, it was all happening in some remote Chinese province, so no one took it seriously enough. But just like in a disaster movie, Covid-19 spread across the globe in no time. And by the beginning of March 2020, most countries in the world began to lockdown, making social distancing mandatory.

RELATED: How to Social Distance During COVID-19

You see, the novel coronavirus isn’t that lethal, but it spreads easier than most other infectious diseases. And since it’s so contagious and new, more people will die from it than its flu-like cousins. It’s a respiratory virus, meaning it attacks your lungs and can cause a severe form of pneumonia. The main symptoms are high fever, lack of smell and taste, dry cough, and muscle pain.

And although we’re getting closer to the vaccine, physical contact is still dicey. Sexual activities with people whom you’ve just met are more than dangerous. We know that it’s frustrating, but it’s the best we can do at the moment.

The New Normal

We understand how off-putting it all sounds, but we’re living in a different world compared to just a year ago. Most people don’t remember an event of similar magnitude during their lifetime. Nevertheless, we’re survivors, and we adapt. The same goes for this so-called new normal we live in today.

It might take a couple of years before we get back to not wearing masks and worrying whether we’ll get the virus. Sure, it sounds grim and dreary, but we need to take it as it is to make sure we make it. It’s a long-term process, and being in close contact with others might feel strange once it all comes back to normal.

Numerous pharmaceutical companies are working on vaccines, and some are closer than you think. However, we won’t be safe until there’s global herd immunity. That will take time since medical workers, first responders, and the elderly will get the shots in the first round of immunization. But don’t worry, we’ll all eventually be in a position to get them.

What Can You Do for Now?

When it comes to pandemic sex, there are certain things you can do to make sure you and your partner are safe. Sure, it’s best if you already have someone to keep you warm through these cold winter nights. But if you’re single, you might want to take things easier. The chance of contracting the virus is pretty big, so be smart.

One thing we can recommend is finding a constant partner. Not only is it a great life choice, but it will also make you avoid going into crowds of people looking for someone new every so often. That way, the two of you can enjoy each other without the need to go to dangerous parties and gatherings.

A long-term lover will help you overcome isolation and social distancing too. And just like with every new relationship, the first couple of months are the peachiest. Getting to know each other better, settling down, and dreaming about your future will break the unrelenting reality that surrounds us these days.

Final Words

No matter how dark it seems, the pandemic won’t last forever. Safe and effective vaccines are coming our way, so it’s important to hold on just a bit longer. Staying at home and avoiding big crowds is key to keep your health in check before the cavalry arrives. And if you can hook up with a long-term partner, the wait for normality will be even shorter. So don’t put down your guns yet — it’s not the end of the world just yet.

Many parents are eager to know at what age kids start having sex. The answer might surprise you. While things have changed a bit in the past couple of decades, it might not be something you should focus on. Here, we will go through everything you need to know about this topic. We will answer questions like “When do kids start having sex?” and “What are some risks they should know?”

The Baffling Statistics on Teen Sexuality

Sex and sexuality are an important topic for everyone, especially for teens. They are experiencing so many changes in their organisms, and it can be overwhelming. To make things more interesting, teens are still in the process of discovering how the world works, their emotions, and relationships. When you think about it, it doesn’t seem strange that nearly half of teens have had sex before the age of eighteen.

According to research from 2015, the exact number was 42% for females and 44% for males. While there are many people who will find these numbers alarming, it is a significant drop since 1988 when the numbers were 51% for females and 60% for males.

But the next big question is — why do they start so young? Virginia Department of Health conducted research that showed how only one-fifth of both males and females had sex at the age of 18 or older. While the age of consent differs from country to country, it has nothing to do with sexual maturity. It just shows that teens are more mature than they were a couple of decades ago.

READ: Boys Reaching Sexual Maturity Earlier Than Ever

The Changing Teen Sexuality Trends

Modern culture plays an important role in sexual activity, and teens are more open than ever. It is quite normal for everyone today to discuss their feelings. Also, people are starting to focus on their sexual health as well. While there are still those who avoid sexual intercourse, it is not as common as it used to be. For some, this is an obvious step forward, while others will dislike the idea of sexual acts between teens.

Some might think that the world has gone to hell and that it is Sodom and Gomorrah all over again. However, the reality is quite different. While teens are becoming more open about their interests and sexuality, it seems that they have become smarter than previous generations. The majority of teens (over 73% females and 58% males) reported having sex for the first time with a steady partner. Moreover, nearly all of them reported using some kind of protection, which is great news. It shows that they aren’t doing it just for the sake of it or without thinking. Instead, it is more than obvious that they are taking necessary precautions to avoid sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.

Many want to know how teens even get exposed to the topic of sex. The answer is simple. Sex is everywhere. It is natural, and it is present in every form of media, from music to movies. People are now more open than ever, and they love sharing their stories. That doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing, as long as teens are informed of the topic and are consenting to sexual activity.

The Effects and Risks of Teen Sex

There are two main problems with teen sex, and both can lead to so many problems. The first and obvious one is the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. We can see from numerous studies that teens are sexually active regardless of what their parents believe. And having a proper education is more important than ever. They need to understand the risks that come with reckless behavior and how to avoid them. Health care is an important topic, and sex ed should get under the spotlight in schools.

The second major problem is pregnancy. We don’t need shows like “16 and Pregnant” that praise unwanted pregnancies. Of course, there are people who truly enjoy being a young mom, but for many, it leads to more problems. Teens are not capable of taking care of themselves (at least the majority of them), and having a baby might be a burden. Pregnancies can often lead to dropouts and other social implications as well.

It seems strange that people enjoy sex and praise it while judging everyone at the same time. Also, being pregnant at a young age can lead to harassment, a lack of education, and many other problems. The numbers seem relieving since they show an increase in birth control and protection, so things might not be as bad as they seem.

Helping Teens With Their Sexual Health

Instead of pretending that all young people are living in chastity and being frightened when teens start having sex, people should focus on proper education and talking about these topics as soon as possible. There are two main concerns that teens should be aware of.

The most important part is consent. Partners should understand the importance of consent and how it is essential for both parties to be on the same page. It is perfectly normal to be curious and to have urges. All of us were teens once, and we know how it feels. But both partners should have mutual consent before going to the next step of their relationship. And it doesn’t matter if we talk about oral sex, anal sex, or anything else. The thing that should matter the most is consent, and it should always be a hard “yes.”

The second thing that is equally important is protection. We already mentioned condoms and birth control and whatnot, but we can’t stress it enough — use condoms! There are no excuses and exceptions to protection. No, it doesn’t feel better, and no, your pull-out technique is not flawless. It is important even if you are in a steady, long-term relationship, and you know that your partner is healthy. Condoms are a great way to lower the chances of pregnancy as well as STDs.

Many people focus on numbers and how teens are having sex, while they should educate them and provide protection to ensure that they don’t ruin their future. So, if you have a teen child, let them have fun. As long as they are doing it with consent and protection, it shouldn’t be a problem for anyone.

When it comes to relationships, every new generation has its M.O. As society changes and shows signs of progress, it leaves a mark on young people who’re heading for adulthood. However, the way they go about their love lives doesn’t always resemble the way their older siblings or parents followed. And in most cases, it’s completely different.

But what’s the difference between Millennials, Boomers, and Gen Z? Are they so different from what we’ve seen in the past? Well, the differences don’t have to be so clear and obvious. They’re mostly subtle and hard to keep track of for older men and women. Therefore, we think it’s essential to analyze and share Gen Z’s guide to getting down.

No to Wokes

In case you’ve been living under a rock for some time now, you’ve probably missed the whole shenanigans of the woke culture. So, we’ll explain what it is and how it affects young adults in First World countries. Woke means you are aware of social and racial injustices around the globe and express concern for them. However, being woke doesn’t mean you care about those issues and could be using them to impress someone you like and want to take on a date — aka “wokefishing.”

Recent studies in the U.S. suggest that young people are dominantly liberal. They’re pretty much into politics and issues that surround us daily. That means that they care what their partner’s views are on numerous socio-political topics. Furthermore, most of them claim they would never date or have a sexual relationship with someone racist, homophobic, antisemitic, etc. Unlike in the ‘90s or early ‘00s, America’s showing signs of serious polarization, meaning that political issues are piercing into the everyday life of almost everyone.

RELATED: What Does It Take to Be Woke, Stay Woke, and Live Woke?

Career Over Sex

Although most clueless older people think that today’s youth is more into social media, gaming, and cheap fun and sex, they couldn’t be more wrong. You see, as a generation that grew up in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, Gen Z’s are looking for jobs and security because they know what’s at stake.

It’s pretty obvious if you ask college students who need to make money and pay their enormous debts back. So, judging the youth of today for thinking a career is more important than sexual engagement is oversimplifying things. Moreover, it does sound like something your stereotypical grandpa would say.

Relationship Labels Are Important Again

Even if you’d assume they’re more freethinking and relaxed, Gen Zs like to put labels on things. And no, we don’t mean their numerous sexual identities. We’re talking about intimate relationships. Yup, they want to know what’s their status with someone they’re going out or having casual sex with.

Being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend is pretty important these days. You need to make it official for it to work out. Long gone are the heydays of the ‘70s-free-love concepts and not giving two cents whether the two of you will eventually make it. Labels are important as much as your political views, for better or worse.

RELATED: When Should You Label A Relationship?

Ghosting Is Part of It

Setting trends is always a big thing for a new generation. Whether it’s something good or bad doesn’t matter as long as it’s theirs and theirs only. The thing that sets out among the young people of today is ghosting someone while texting. Namely, ghosting is not responding while making it clear you’ve seen or read their message. You know, two blue ticks that make you go mad.

Since today’s hook-up culture mostly revolves around dating apps, texting is a big part of the way young people communicate. So, let’s say you match with someone on Tinder and you switch to WhatsApp subsequently. You message each other for a couple of hours or days, and at some point — they stop. What’s that all about? Wasn’t it obvious the two of you had a thing going? Well, no.

It’s not like young men and women enjoy ghosting others. It has more to do with the fear of someone ghosting you. So, they do it first to make themselves feel better and in control. It’s a strange concept to understand, but it’s just the way it is nowadays. Hence, free dating advice — don’t expect too much from someone on dating sites and apps.

Soulmates Are Less Important

Not so long ago, there was a surge of godawful teen romcoms. Yeah, the late ‘90s and early ‘00s were full of them. They mostly took place around college campuses and small towns and had one thing in common. Namely, teens in those flicks were looking for that perfect one that would stand by their side forever and after. However, it’s no longer like that at all.

Young people aren’t that romantic and optimistic when it comes to long-term relationships. Moreover, they’re more into casual sexual encounters than fantasizing about how they’re going to get married and have a ton of kids. Modern dating is like today’s life — fast and relentless about feelings and some bigger concepts.

Not to sound like some grumpy old fella, but it just seems so superficial. Nevertheless, it’s a new wave that makes teens click these days. In their eyes, it’s better to experiment while you can and not have regrets when you get older. It’s all about living in the present, no matter how cheap and cliche that might sound.

Final Thoughts

Generation after generation, people look at teens and young adults as superficial and shallow. Nevertheless, that’s just nonsense and a generalization of what they see before their eyes. The thing is that we all age and become more and more nostalgic about our youth and the days gone by, failing to make a firm connection with the present. The same will happen to them at some point, making them just another drop in the ocean of life.

Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to hear stories about couples who’ve had enough of their boring lives. As time goes by, routine sets in, and your once interesting relationship becomes stale and tiresome. It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances, but it happens even to the best of us. There’s no shame in it.

But ever since mainstream culture became aware of various kinks and fetishes, couples began to find ways to enrich their sex lives once again. Taboos and social stigmas no longer bear the same weight as they did before. From film and TV to porn, a regular Joe can see almost anything.

However, other than your usual fantasies like role-playing, one particular kink stands out from the rest. Of course, we’re talking about hotwives and the cuckold fetish. It’s an increasingly popular fantasy lots of people in the West experiment with. In short, it’s a kink that consists of husbands (boyfriends) watching their wives have sex with someone else.

It’s a sexual humiliation fetish of sorts, meaning they both get off by breaking the traditional norms of monogamous relationships. The female partner (willingly and with full consent from their partner) goes around looking for someone to have sex with. Moreover, she does it in front of her hubby while he sits and enjoys himself.

Surely, it might seem like too much for most ordinary couples. But it’s an adventurous yet safe way to spark some fire in your bedroom. And as far as kinks and fetishes go, it’s not for everyone. Therefore, we’d like to demystify the whole thing by going deeper into the concept of cuckolding and hotwifing.

Living the Cuckold Life

Although cuckolding is relatively new in the mainstream, it’s always been a thing between couples. But back then, society didn’t look too fondly at kinks in general, let alone sharing your wife with another man. We feel the need to explain it a bit better since this form of erotic humiliation is still pretty taboo. After all, there’s a lot of stigma around this sexual fantasy.

The cuck fetish is a kind of humiliation play that involves a man (husband or boyfriend) consensually watching his female partner have sex with a third person. The word cuckolding comes from a cuckoo bird that lays eggs in other birds’ nests. Hence, you could say that the connection is pretty clear, isn’t it? More on Sexual Humiliation Fetish

The cuck is the man watching, his wife/girlfriend is the hotwife, and the third person is the bull. The bull is commonly a much more dominant male in terms of attractiveness, physique, or even penis size. But it’s not a rule; hence bulls can be just ordinary guys, looking to get laid with someone’s wife, fiance, or partner.

Introducing Your Wife to Cuckolding

To say that cuckolding is easy and for everyone would be a big lie. Every intimate relationship is prone to jealousy, no matter how strong it seems. And cuckolding being a kink built on sexual arousal from watching your wife having sex with another man in front of you is bound to lead to problems if not done the right way. Therefore, it’s key that you introduce this idea gradually to your partner.

Firstly, for it to work, you’ll need full consent and understanding. It’s not like introducing foot fetish to your sex life — it’s way more complicated. So talking about it and explaining your idea to your partner is the only way to start. In no way do we suggest you force something upon them — it would completely defeat the purpose of the cuckolding fetish.

The general idea is that she’ll have better sex than before. That, in itself, should be enough to spark initial interest for her. Also, she’ll get the chance to reverse the traditional roles of male dominance right in front of you. For example, verbal humiliation during sex will help her feel above you, whilst also satisfying your need for submission.

Matching Your Wife With Another Man

Since you need other people outside your relationship, you can consider cuckolding a tricky fetish to have. It’s not like you’re going to go walking around town asking people to fuck your wife. Luckily, there are ways of meeting people who enjoy it as much as you. For starters, the internet.

In a day and age when you can pretty much buy or see whatever you want online, it would be crazy to think you couldn’t find someone horny enough to join you. From social networks full of cuck groups to sites like Craigslist, you can easily find a way in. But finding the right person might prove to be more troublesome than it seems.

Again, both of you must have full consent when it comes to cuckolding. This also means that no one has the upper hand when it comes to choosing the bull. So you’ll need to find a middle ground where both of you will be satisfied with the look and character of your potential wife-banger. It’s a collective effort (pun intended).

Why Men Get Off From the Cuckolding Fetish?

Essentially, cuckolding disrupts the traditional power dynamics between men and women. It’s a form of humiliation for the male to allow and watch their partner be penetrated by a more handsome and fit guy. Some guys just get off to being submissive. They enjoy sexual jealousy differently than others.

You could say that cuckolding is as femdom as fetishes get. She enjoys great sex while also calling her hubby pathetic and weak. Of course, she doesn’t have to mean it — it’s just a part of the game. But while it lasts, they both get off doing it. This just adds to our idea that cuckolding isn’t for everyone. More on femdom in this Cosmopolitan article.

So if you think your sex life could benefit from it, talk to your partner and explain everything. It might prove to be the best possible decision you’ve ever made. But remember — full consent and understanding are essential for it to work. If one of you is having doubts about it, it’s better to leave the idea behind.

Oh no. These aren’t your regular college sex parties. We’re talking about well-organized events where people come to mingle and, yes, have sex.

The concept of a sex party is, for sure, strange and unknown to many. But things aren’t as racy as you might imagine them to be. These parties have rules, and consent is the most important thing.

Absolutely nothing can happen without you allowing it. And absolutely everything can stop happening when you decide. These are the kinds of parties that will satisfy anyone’s curiosity. And you get to meet pretty great people in the process too.

What Is a Sex Party?

When you think of sex parties, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Probably a wild, chaotic orgy, where people can just hop on one another.

Here’s why that’s wrong.

To get straight to the point, sex parties are private events. However, the sex part that happens can be entirely public. Attendees are allowed to engage in sexual activities with each other — yes, in front of other people. Ultimately, it’s your choice if you’ll let others watch or not.

Contrary to popular belief, the organization of these events is at a very high level. Or at least it should be. Nobody wants to go to a sex party and not know what they’re getting themselves into. That’s why organizers have to be very clear about rules.

Each party can have a particular theme or activity that makes it unique. Parties can be BDSM, casual, group sex, or revolve around specific kinks. What’s most important for organizers to specify is rules about consent and safety.

If you’ve never been to a sex party before, you need to do some research first. Read the invitation carefully and contact the organizers themselves in case you have any questions.

Do You Have to Have Sex With Other Attendees?

It’s common to think you’ll have to have sex with everyone attending. Thankfully, that is not the case.

Different people have different reasons to attend. If other people can go just to watch, then so can you! Being a voyeur is a great kink to have at parties like this. However, watching doesn’t need to turn you on (but doesn’t it?). You can just go because you’re curious.

Some people will go thinking they’re ready to have lots of sex. That can quickly change once they arrive. Sometimes these parties aren’t what you expect, and that’s okay.

So, it’s not exactly mandatory to engage in any activity with others. You should still be careful when picking a party you want to go to. Why? Some require at least some level of participation. If you don’t feel like you’re ready for and comfortable with that, you might want to skip them.

Consent Is a Must!

Consent is the number one rule at every sex party as it is in every situation that involves sex.

That is what makes these parties a safe space. Consent needs to be given for every sexual activity, but you can, of course, revoke it at any time you choose. Sometimes you’ll think you’re up for something but then change your mind.

Similarly, you have to know that others can revoke consent in the same way. There are no hard feelings. Other guests aren’t there to bring your sexual fantasies to life. That’s why these parties, and their guests, shouldn’t be treated as such.

Setting your boundaries before coming can be helpful too. That way, you’ll know what you’re comfortable with. Just like you expect others to respect your limits, you should respect theirs too.

With such a strong accent on consent, these parties don’t seem so scary after all.

It’s Not All About Sex

We’re sure you didn’t imagine sex parties as places you’ll find your new BFF at. But they can be.

Maybe you have a group of friends that aren’t that sex-positive. It can be awkward to talk to them about sex-related topics. So, it’s only natural that you’ll wish for friends that can understand you. But how about a whole community of people who have similar interests? That sounds great to us.

People who attend these parties are mostly sex-positive, openminded, polyamorous, or simply curious. That’s why some say that these parties feel like community events.

Much like every party, there will be some sort of entertainment. So think of your regular house party, except occasionally there are people having sex in front of everyone. And nobody judges them! Everyone just minds their business.

Most of the time, participation isn’t a requirement. Go to this party and enjoy it like any other.

Do People Have Sex With Everyone?

Of course not. You don’t go out and flirt with everyone you see on the street, right? The same logic applies here too.

It depends on who you decide to attend a party with. Most people will have sex with those they came with them. Some are couples looking for other couples. Some are people who like having sex while someone else is watching. You’ll come across a lot of different kinds of sex-havers.

There will be people you’ll find attractive, of course, as well as those you won’t. You decide who you’ll approach and start talking to. But at the same time, people will be approaching you. Asking for consent or just chatting you up.

If you come with a partner, be ready for people to ask if they can join in on the action. It’s up to you and your partner to decide if you’ll let sexy strangers participate.

Summary

We bet none of these things was something you expected to learn about sex parties. Why not consider attending one? Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it won’t kill you.

Sex parties are a safe space. They’re a place where you get to explore freely and meet like-minded people. Or, you know, if you just want to have sex, that’s perfectly fine too.

As with almost anything sex-related, there are a lot of misconceptions and stigma around sex parties. We hope that this article served its purpose in showing you that not everything is always what it seems.

There’s no denying that we live in a different world from what it was just a couple of decades ago. Social stigmas and taboos are far less important these days, which makes modern generations much more progressive and liberal. Some studies claim that only two-thirds of young people identify as straight. Why is this?

Sexually Fluid Generation

Unlike before, only 66% of kids today say they’re heterosexual or of traditional gender. This percentage is extreme even if you compare it with the generation before (Millennials) — not to mention Gen X and Baby Boomers. Of course, we’re talking about kids in the West because the social climate varies from culture to culture. Nevertheless, these results are pretty interesting.

Some would argue that at the root of this phenomenon is the LGBTQ community. Their point is that ever since the late ’60s and the Stonewall riots, every generation has become much more liberal and free to explore their sexual identities. There’s no doubt that those events did have a part to play in this phenomenon. From pop culture to everyday life, diversity has become a staple of First World countries.

It’s certainly easier being queer nowadays than it was back then. The bigotry and hateful rhetoric of elders seem to be losing the battle, and kids are more inclined to pursue their happiness no matter who they are. Sure, there will always be some sort of opposition to progressive values, but it won’t alter the tide of change. The umbrella of the LGBTQ community is big enough to cover all sorts of social groups, making it a safe place for almost everyone.

The Reason Behind It

Although we’d like to think that kids are just brighter and more accepting than their parents, the truth isn’t that simple. Ever since the late ’90s, the internet has shaken the world to its core. It was such a big technological advancement that we’re still talking about it. However, with such a powerful tool as the web, the way we communicate is no longer the same.

Social media platforms and various forum-like sites (e.g., Reddit) have given young people a chance to explore how they truly feel about themselves. Sure, the internet is full of downsides and dark places. However, its influence on various social issues is quite positive. Why is this?

Well, the content you can enjoy online is much more diverse than what cable TV or everyday life in a small town can offer you. Pornography, fan fiction, and various obscure entertainment options are sources of all sorts of wild ideas. Hence, interacting with them can be a trigger for teens to break loose from traditions and conservative values. Dating apps, tube sites, and forums are places for all those who feel like outcasts.

How Do Gen Zs Compare to Millennials and Boomers?

Once again, it’s easier being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender these days than it was twenty or so years ago. The overall mainstream culture is much different these days, which means there’s a place for almost anyone to find and enjoy the content of their liking. It seems like no person or policy could change the general direction of modern civilization. So how do Gen Zs compare to Millennials or Boomers?

If you’ve seen “21 Jump Street” with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, you’ll probably remember a scene where Tatum’s character ridicules a gay teen outside their high school. The moment he punches and blasts homophobic slurs doesn’t end with kids around him cheering. Moreover, they’re all grossed out by his bigotry and stupidity. The thing is, most teens don’t give a flying fudge about what your sex life’s about as long as you don’t endanger them.

Back in the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s, you’d have to hide your sexual orientation, no matter whether you were from California or North Carolina. The willingness of today’s kids to accept differences is greater since they’ve been raised with all sorts of diverse content. Feeling good about who you are is the norm these days.

What Does This Mean for the Coming Generations?

Although we won’t give you sex tips and dating advice this time, we’d like to chat about the long-term effects of the progressive culture. The umbrella term we’ve mentioned before seems like something that’s constantly growing. From sexual and gender topics to racial and cultural diversity, it encompasses almost everything.

We’d argue that the line between queer and straight will eventually disappear and become genuinely fluid. Even if it’s a “good time” to be gay these days, there are still things that need to change. Either way, we feel like modern society, at least in the West, will soon break new ground in social and cultural issues.

Europeans tend to see a lot of American ideals and behaviors as bizarre. In particular, they aren’t wild about our politics and our food (though they love our television and our movies). And when it comes to sex? Well, Europeans tend to view us as the land of the free, home of the batshit crazy. Below are some of the biggest sexual WTFs Europeans have about America.

1. Extreme violence in the media is fine, just don’t show a nipple.

According to reports, the average American child will see 200,000 violent acts and witness 16,000 murders on TV by the time she is 18. Not only that, but the violence is getting more brutal and sadistic, and it often goes unpunished. In video games like Grand Theft Auto, players can run over sex workers, and the violence in Call of Duty has been linked to teen suicides. While this is considered fine and normal, showing the naked or partially naked human body on TV is considered extremely taboo. When Justin Timberlake accidentally ripped off a piece of Janet Jackson’s costume during the Super Bowl halftime show, revealing her nipple for a fraction of a second, this not only caused a moral outrage that lasted for days, but the FCC tried to fine television network CBS $550,000 for broadcasting “indecency.” The FCC ultimately failed, but not first without going all the way to the Supreme Court. The nip slip incident became the most-searched-for thing on the Internet in 2004, and CBS actually forced Jackson to apologize to Americans. “I am really sorry if I offended anyone, that was truly not my intention,” Jackson said.

A Dutch friend who now lives in London also remarked on this disconnect between violence and nudity: “The movie Frida with Salma Hayek is rated R in the U.S. because of nudity, but in Holland it was 6 (for children 6 and older). But many violent movies are 16 in Holland and PG/PG-13 in the U.S. Why are boobs worse than death? How do boobs affect people negatively? Are they scary? Do they make people do bad things? I wanna know!”

2. Our puritan prudery.

Sex is everywhere. We can’t even sell a cheeseburger in the U.S. without overtly bonerrific images that are, frankly, confusing. Are we supposed to eat our food or have sex with it, Carl’s Jr.? And yet, we’re also so prudish that Attorney General John Ashcroft once spent $8,000 of taxpayer cash to cover up a statue’s breasts. We have spent billions on abstinence-only education programs that spread misinformation and shame teenagers into thinking sex is dirty and will ruin their lives forever. And instead of curbing the number of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, the opposite happens. Compared to European countries, most of which boast comprehensive sex ed, easy access to birth control and universal healthcare, the U.S. has alarming teen pregnancy rates—41.5 per 1,000 people, as reported by the United Nations in 2009. By contrast, the Netherlands had a teen birth rate of 5.3 per 1,000, Switzerland is 4.3 per 1,000, and Germany is 9.8 per 1,000. Europeans also have have lower STI rates, and far lower rates of HIV/AIDS.

3. Our fear of hugs.

Research has shown that non-sexual physical contact has a profound impact on people’s emotional and physical well-being. Despite this knowledge, and our hyper-sexualized tendencies, America is one of the most touch-phobic countries in the world. A global study on touch rated the United States among “the lowest touch countries studied.” In contrast, the high-touch countries include Spain, France, Italy, and Greece. Some researchers think our fear of platonic touching actually leads to violence, particularly in young males. In one study, American adolescents were shown to touch each other far less and be more aggressive toward their peers compared with French adolescents.

While there are many reasons why Europe has a much lower violent crime rate than the U.S, could a lack of healthy physical connection add to this trend? In 2012, research conducted by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime found that the U.S. had a “homicide rate of 4.8 per 100,000 people compared to only 0.3 per 100,000 in Iceland, 0.7 per 100,000 in Sweden, 0.8 per 100,000 in Denmark and Spain, 0.9 per 100,000 in Italy, Austria and the Netherlands, 1.0 per 100,000 in France, and 1.2 per 100,000 in Portugal and the Republic of Ireland.”

4. Our anti-abortion violence.

Though there have been a few incidents of anti-abortion-related violence elsewhere (in Canada, New Zealand and Australia, for instance), the vast majority of violence occurs right here in the good ol’ US of A. The Department of Justice amended its definition of domestic terrorism to include this type of violence last year, and it includes such incidents as destruction of property, arson, bombings, vandalism, kidnapping, stalking, assault, attempted murder, and murder. In the last 20 years or so, anti-abortion violence has killed at least eight people in the U.S., including four doctors, two clinic employees, a security guard, and a clinic escort. In contrast, approximately ZERO people have been murdered trying to have or facilitate a safe and legal abortion in Europe.

5. Our preference for circumcision.

Though infant male circumcision rates have declined in the U.S. in the last decade or so, circumcision remains one of the most common procedures performed in hospitals (about 1.4 million annually). In Europe, however, circumcision is rare and generally frowned upon. A 2013 resolution called male ritual circumcision a “violation of the physical integrity of children,” and was passed overwhelmingly by the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe. Studies (both formal and informal) have shown that women in the U.S. have strong preferences for circumcised penises, citing “visual appeal” and “sexual hygiene” as reasons for their predisposition. European women, of course, prefer their men with dong-snuggies.

How Sex Invaded Television Programming

A long time ago, television was wholesome and pure family fun. Nowadays, we boast that television is in its golden age. Networks and streaming services are trying to push the boundaries of narratives to attract viewers. That means more sex, more adult topics, and more inclusion of marginalized sexual proclivities.

TV Programs Then and Now

You don’t need to look hard to see naked bodies and banging. We’re not talking about the abundance of porn. Just look at “Game of Thrones” — you rarely encounter an episode without a complimentary pair of breasts. Before that, in “Sex and the City,” people religiously watched four women screwing all over New York. That wasn’t always the case, though.

The first TV darling, “I Love Lucy” (1950s), had a married couple sleeping in different beds. This was how much sex was a taboo. In the 1960s, “Bewitched” had a controversial leap, and spouses slept in one bed. So what happened? Primarily, the sexual revolution. Also, marginal groups were fighting for their visibility.

Half a Century of Sexual Revolution

The ‘70s and ‘80s brought the advent of “Jiggly TV.” You could see beautiful girls running and bouncing in skimpy outfits. Do you remember the plot of “Charlie’s Angels”? Of course not, but beautiful girls stayed iconic thanks to it. Furthermore, every episode of “Three’s Company” revolved around the gimmick of how a guy is living with two girls, and it might be sexual.

But the real heat started to rise in the ‘90s. In 1993, “NYPD Blue” started airing with scenes of sex and violence, while “Sex and the City” began airing in 1998. With the advent of reality TV, viewers could see everyday people having actual sex. The 2000s continued the trend, and more and more shows were pushing the boundaries of adult themes and how they were portrayed.

Shifting Content for Shifting Tastes

Buttocks and Boobs, the Forerunners of Nudity

In 1993, “NYPD Blue” showed nudity in the form of David Caruso’s ass. That was a big deal. The show depicted scenes of sex, and, although there was no frontal nudity, you could catch the buttocks of male and female actors.

When it comes to breasts, for a long, time you could only get a glance of a side boob. “Baywatch” was all about that — cleavage. Pamela Anderson and her friends were sensually running and bouncing through the sand. The plot of the show took a back seat, and it was the collection of gorgeous girls that took the audience as a storm.

Sexy Time for Teens and Young Adults

These were all shows that were targeted at mature audiences, but the ‘90s had more aces in their sleeves. Series like “90210” and “Buffy the Vampire” Slayer were aimed at teens and young adults. The big twist was that they tackled teenage sex life. From the very start, “90210” covered topics of losing virginity and showed teenagers as highly sexual.

However, it was “Buffy” that brought some game changers and made an impact. Besides referencing that teenagers had intercourse, this show had a lesbian relationship. Kudos for the LGBTQ+ presentation, but there was something better — the famous scene of Buffy having sex with Spike in which they literally tear down the house while bonking.

New Millennia, New Sexual Frontiers

Though the show started in 1998, “Sex and the City” ushered new standards into the 2000s. Almost every episode had at least one sex scene. The show covered it all: intercourse, masturbation, fetishes, same-sex relationship, threesomes, etc. Fun fact: Sarah Jessica Parker playing Carry was never naked.

The 2000s were the starting point of the sex bonanza that we have today. HBO continued with its trend of racy content with “The Sopranos,” “Rome,” “Game of Thrones,” and “Girls.” Showtime had its fair share of steamy sex with “True Blood,” “Californication,” and “Weeds.” “Masters of Sex” was completely dedicated to the history of sexual liberation. And the list continues to grow.

It seems that after Jannet’s famous wardrobe malfunction in 2004, everything went up the hill with nudity on TV.

The Effect of Reality TV

Expansion of sexual content came hand in hand with the relatively recent trend of reality TV. The first shows started popping up in the ‘90s, and they were usually crime-oriented. Still, there were a couple of steamy ones like HBO’s “Real Sex.” Not as directly, MTV’s “Real World” covered sexual themes and identities very early on.

Some shows had spice from the get-go like Hue Hefner’s “Girl Next Door.” Here, you could see the lifestyle of Playmates, girls living in the Playboy Mansion. The show had glamour and buxom beauties showing skin. Other shows caught on quickly — less clothing, more viewers.

Sexy + Drama = Butts in Seats

It was in the 2000s that reality TV exploded. Producers figured out that drama and sex generate viewership, and usually, one sparks the other. Soon TV shows started gravitating towards intercourse between contestants. “Big Brother” started airing in 2000, but it gave its first humping-under-the-covers show in the 4th season. From there, it somewhat became an unspecified staple of the show.

Other TV shows also relied on gimmicks of sexy drama. “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” revolved around the titular family, and along with them, their love life. “The Real Housewives” series always has the element of cheating and who slept with whom.

Many people say that the era of reality TV has passed. Well, that’s not quite true, as there are constantly new programs popping up, and they tend to spark interest with sex as well. “Too Hot to Handle” is practically a musical chairs game, but with screwing.

The View on Sex on TV

Deeper, Deeper, Deeper Meaning

Oscar Wilde: “Everything in this world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” You might not agree with this statement, but it rings somewhat true when it comes to sex in the media. Scenes and reference to sex in television programs are never solely about intercourse. That’s why so many people get their panties in a twist about it.

The depiction of genitals, lovemaking, and sexual proclivities reflect societal attitudes towards them. As society evolves, so does sex in our media. Many shows deal with sex, but you can easily compare a sex scene from feminist centered “Gray’s Anatomy” and gay favorite “Looking” and see the difference in views.

Sexy Examples

Intercourse on TV has paradoxically become less fetishized and more fetishized at the same time. There’s a certain demystification and down-to-earth element about how people screw in “Girls.” There’s now sensuality and slow jazz behind it. Hanah is simply banging. That is what appealed to the show’s audience.

Who is the most memorable character in the “Sex and the City”? Samantha! You could be invested in Carey’s romance or identify with Charlotte, but it was Samantha who lingers in our collective memory. The reason is that all her sexual adventures and mishaps shared a message to women: be more sexual, take chances, and have fun.

Protecting What They Can

The most powerful entity that influences American TV is FCC (Federal Communication Commission). This independent government body dictates censorship and regulates what is acceptable to be aired. All content must follow the decency standards, and networks follow them religiously.

This means that swear words will be blipped, or characters will scream screw you instead of the F word, and so on. These regulations are also the reasons why shows like “Dexter” have huge body counts, but you get to see only a side boob when it comes to nudity. Still, these laws don’t fall from the sky.

There is a constant tug-of-war between the media station and concerned citizen groups. TV tries to make programs that will attract an audience and thus gain revenue and sponsors. In return, specific groups influence them. For example, conservative Christians would ask the cancellation of sexy tv programs while LGBTQ+ would ask for more inclusion.

‘’With great power comes great responsibility,’’ and with so much sex on our screens comes the responsibility of understanding it and how we consume them all together.

There is no doubt that the whole hookup culture in America is having an impact on society. Many young women and men are getting into casual sex every day. Some claim that the entire Western culture is having a significant problem, while others rejoice.

How Is Sex Portrayed in Different Western Media?

People from all over the world are using modern technology and getting their information via the internet, television, and music. Whether we like it or not, the media influences all of us, at least to some extent. However, there is a significant difference between the sex as we see it in the media and sex in real life.

Many TV shows and movies show casual sexual relationships without any real consequences, while many promote something entirely different. The internet, too, is a porn hive, and some of the content can be quite explicit.

In short, not many outlets promote abstinence. The question is — should they?

We all saw people (even fictional ones) having one-night stands, and practicing casual sex so many times that it’s normal. Whether this is the right move or not, time will tell. But there is no doubt that this kind of behavior is almost a standard for many.

Hook Ups vs. Old Dating Habits

Before the whole internet era, people had to date, and they were, let’s be honest, quite conservative. A couple of decades ago, having more than one partner was atrocious, but hooking up with someone today is normal.

Courting that will develop into a relationship is almost dead. Everything is faster now, and many men and women are looking to skip the “boring” part and go straight to the juicy stuff. But the reality is that both ideas have flaws.

Chastity and abstinence were promoted for the wrong reasons. Most people avoided relationships to escape criticism and being scorned by society (and the church). And what can a person do to avoid the whole stigma behind sex other than just wait until they are “ready.”

Over the years, young people showed times and again that they are ready a lot sooner than society and religion claim, and they needed an escape. However, it seems that the whole thing spiraled out of control, and now, we’re at something opposite. People who aren’t having wild sex or hooking up are almost outlaws, and it looks like long-term relationships aren’t that desirable anymore.

What Drives the Hookup Culture?

The whole culture is usually associated with late adolescents in the U.S. Of course, this “movement” doesn’t have to represent sexual culture only, and hooking up can mean anything from kissing to casual sexual encounters.

So, what is the thing that drives the hookup culture? It seems that the answer to this question is both sex and freedom.

High school and college students are sexually active, that’s no secret. But they are probably looking for pleasure without pain. If you engage in casual sex, you won’t have to worry about “catching feelings” in the process. Instead, you can focus on physical pleasure and avoid emotional consequences that can be a part of the relationship. Or so many believe.

For some, it might be an escape, while for others, it is a way of having pleasure and enjoying life. Needless to say, some are tricked or even forced into it while being intoxicated. However, others are looking for a relationship despite everything.

Many adolescents see sex and relationship as two different things, and some people believe that this will lead to further problems. They claim that hookup culture will lead to an inability to form stable and intimate relationships in the future.

The Use of Dating Apps

In the modern era, finding sexual engagement seems easier than ever. Many people seem to skip the whole dating process now that you can contact anyone on the globe. Instead of meeting people in real life, you can chat with them and get to know them without ever seeing them in person.

Today, there are so many dating apps that ease the whole process. Some people say that these dating apps are what created the whole hookup culture. Whether the chicken or the egg came first, there is no doubt that apps like Grindr and Tinder made everything easier.

All you have to do is create a profile, write a little bit about yourself, and start searching for someone with at least similar interests. Once you have found someone you like, you can start chatting and getting to know each other before you meet in person.

The Risk of the Hookup Culture

Many see this kind of behavior as risky and dangerous, and to be honest, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. Without meeting someone in person, you won’t have any idea what they are like. People pretend, lie, and sweet talk online, and reality can be disappointing.

Of course, it would be unfair to ignore the fact that many people are sincere and genuinely looking for a relationship. But either way, being unconscious can have consequences.

Firstly, changing partners and having casual sex can lead to STDs. Casual sex doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but safety should always be a number one priority. Secondly, many people have access to the internet, including predators as well. People can be friendly and kind online, and reality can be the opposite. Casual sex and careless behavior can lead to non-consensual sex and many other problems.

Finally, for some, the whole hookup culture is not working. If the person is looking for a serious relationship, current trends might be problematic. Being denied something you desire or being hurt and emotional can lead to mental health problems like depression.

In reality, for some people out there, hookups are the best thing since sliced bread. But for others, it might turn out to be a nightmare.

Wow, to be a paid researcher in America to study the sexual behaviors of Americans. Now that’s an enticing job. Where do I sign up?

Apparently I’d pop on over to Indiana University, as that’s where the latest batch of researchers come from who have something to say about sex in America.

As a part of the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, researchers surveyed a national, representative sample of 5,865 people ages 14 to 94. They recently published some of their initial findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

So without further ado, here are 11 surprising facts about sex in America from that survey.

1. Condom use is pretty uncommon.

Only 1 in 4 acts of sexual intercourse are protected by a condom. Condoms are, of course, the most reliable method to avoid sexually transmitted diseases while having sex.

2. Yet condom use is just as pleasurable.

Contrary to popular wisdom, people surveyed said that their sexual pleasure was just as intense with condom use as it was without. This included arousal, pleasure and achieving orgasm.

3. Americans like variety.

The researchers detailed over 40 different combinations of sexual activity when participants were asked to describe their most recent sexual encounter.

4. Men orgasm from regular intercourse most often; women, on the other hand, require more of a variety of sexual acts — which may include oral or vaginal intercourse — in order to orgasm.

While men enjoy sexual variety as much as women, they don’t need it in order to enjoy an orgasm. Women appear to benefit more from such variety in order to make the likelihood of an orgasm greater.

5. Men don’t have a clue when it comes to their partner’s orgasm.

While 85 percent of men reported their partner had an orgasm during their most recent sexual activity, only 64 percent of women reported having had an orgasm. The difference of over 20 percent isn’t accounted for simply because of same-sex relationships.

It suggests men overestimate their partner’s sexual experience, or that women are leading men to believe they orgasmed in order to end the sexual activity earlier.

6. Most teenagers aren’t doing it as often as you might think.

Only 27 percent of teens surveyed said they had intercourse in the past 3 months.

7. More of us try out a gay, lesbian or bisexual activity once in our lives than you might think.

The survey found that 8 percent of men and 7 percent of women identified themselves as either gay, lesbian or bisexual. But this percentage was much lower than the proportion of individuals who had said “Yes” to a question about whether they’ve ever had same-gender sexual activity in their lives. Many people may experiment with such activities, but stick to what feels best for them in the end.

8. You don’t have to be young to enjoy sex.

Older adults report enjoying and engaging in sexual activity nearly as much as younger adults. In fact, the survey found that men in their 50s are having more sex than teenage males.

9. Men give oral sex as much as they receive it.

Contrary to popular wisdom again, men — especially older men — give as much oral sex to women as women give to men. While the difference is greatest in the 20 to 24 year old range (with only 55 percent of men saying they’ve given it in the past year, compared to 74 percent of women), the tables turn as we age. In the 30 to 39 age range, 69 percent of men report having given a woman oral sex, while only 59 percent of women have.

In other age ranges, the differences are far less greater, with only a few percentage points differentiating the two groups.

10. Both men and women masturbate.

The vast majority of people at all age groups masturbate. Yes, men regularly out-masturbate women, with over 80 percent of 20 to 29 year old men reporting masturbating in the past year. But women are no slackers either, with 64 to 72 percent of women in the same age range reporting masturbating in the past year.

11. We all like to brag.

Similar to point #5, more people in the survey said they received oral sex than those who said they gave oral sex. If everyone was telling the truth, these numbers should be within a few percentage points of one another.

Instead, we see many discrepancies. For instance, 70 percent of women claimed to have received oral sex from a man in the 20 to 24 age group, but only 55 percent of men admitted to having given oral to a woman. Sixty-two percent of men aged 40 to 49 claimed they received oral, but only 53 percent of women said they gave it.

Apparently saying you’ve received oral sex is still more attractive than saying you’ve given it.

Cultures – sets of widely-endorsed ideas reflected in rules for interaction and in the organization of our institutions – are powerful social forces that shape individuals’ lives. In colleges, “hookup culture” refers to the idea that casual sexual encounters are the best or only way to engage sexually; and the concept also refers to rules of social interaction that facilitate casual sexual encounters and organizational arrangements that support these encounters.

Today, almost all of America’s residential college campuses are characterized by a hookup culture – large and small, private and public, secular and religious, and left- and right-leaning campuses. Students must contend with this culture even if they are not especially sexually active. In fact, many students are not very active. The average graduating senior reports hooking up just eight times in four years; and a third do not hook up even a single time. Individual students can and do opt out of casual hookup sexual encounters, but few can escape dealing with that culture.

The Origins of Campus Hookup Culture

Hookup culture is simply the newest stage in the evolution of sexual norms and behavior in America. Its roots lie in the early city life of the 1920s, the first time in U.S. history that young people routinely socialized in mixed-sex groups beyond the supervision of chaperones. This created intense media interest in “youth culture,” as college attendance became accessible to large swaths of the American population. After a couple hundred years of conflict with higher education administrators, fraternity men starting setting the social tone. Their way of experiencing college life – irreverent, raucous, and fun-oriented – was suddenly the way to experience college. Attending college was linked to the idea of being young and carefree.

The Great Depression and World War II put the brakes on such revelry. Young women initiated “going steady” – monogamous, long-term dating – as a response to the loss of young men to war. Yet going steady, a kind of “premature monogamy,” was both new and short-lived as an ideal for young people. By the 1960s, young people wanted to remain unattached; and meanwhile gay men in urban enclaves were experimenting with a culture revolving around “hookups.” The dangers of AIDs infection slowed down the process by which casual sexual encounters spread into the mainstream for young people, but this process proceeded nonetheless.

In 1978, the popularity of the movie Animal House ratcheted up expectations for college fun. Beer and liquor companies took advantage of the moment, spending millions in the 1980s to convince students that drinking was a mainstay of college life. Starting in 1984, when the U.S. government financially pressured the states to raise the legal drinking age from 18 to 21, control over campus parties was thrown increasingly into the hands of men who occupied large, private fraternity residences in which they could flagrantly break liquor laws. Fraternities again came to dominate the campus social scene. Until today, this remains true on many campuses, but many other factors also reinforce hookup sexual norms on college campuses – including media portrayals of college life, rising individualism, and a halfway transition toward women’s equality. Social and sexual norms originally embodied in fraternities now reign supreme on college campuses.

The Destructive Sense that Hookup Sex is the Only Option

After hearing about hookup culture, many older Americans wonder whether today’s students actually enjoy it. The answer appears to be both yes and no, as I learned from years of fieldwork. About a quarter of students thrive in this culture, at least at first. They enjoy hooking up and adapt well to hookup culture’s rules calling for fun and casual, short-term encounters. At the same time, about a third of students opt out altogether; they find hookup culture unappealing and would rather not have sex at all than have it the way this culture mandates. The remaining students are ambivalent, dabbling in hookups with mixed results. Overall, about one in three students say that their intimate relationships have been “traumatic” or “very difficult to handle.” Many of them experience a persistent malaise, a deep, indefinable disappointment. And one in ten says that they have been sexually coerced or assaulted in the past year.

Notably, my research suggests that hookup culture is a problem not because it promotes casual sex, but because it makes a destructive form of casual sexual engagement feel compulsory. Students who don’t hook up can end up being socially isolated, while students who do engage in this way are forced to operate by a dysfunctional set of rules. Hookup culture encourages a punishing emotional landscape, where caring for others or even simple courtesy seem inappropriate, while carelessness and even cruelty are allowed. At its worst, it encourages young men and women to engage in sexual competitiveness and status-seeking while meeting impossible standards of attractiveness. It privileges immediate pleasure-seeking and heightens risks that students will become either perpetrators or victims of sexual crimes.

Changing Power Structures and Destructive Sexual Norms

Understanding that the forces shaping sexual relationships on campuses are cultural – that problems lie not so much in particular encounters as in hookup culture overall – is the first step toward clarifying what needs to change. Because culture is a type of shared consciousness, many people need to work together to make changes happen. And they can. Especially because of the strong ties in student bodies, campuses can transform themselves faster than one might suspect.

Research shows that today’s young people are more open, permissive, earnest, hopeful for the future, and welcoming of diversity than any other generation in memory. They are well-positioned to usher in the next new sexual culture. But colleges as institutions must change, too. Institutions of higher education need to put substantial resources and time into shifting cultural norms in two ways: promoting casual sexual encounters that involve an ethic of care, and diversifying the kind of sexual encounters that are seen as possible and good. Colleges also need to change the institutional arrangements that give too much power to subsets of students who are most enthusiastic about hookup culture and who benefit from it at the expense of their peers. Doing this may mean disbanding fraternities and sororities as they have existed, because as long as these organizations and their ethics remain power bastions on U.S. campuses, hookup culture will persist.

Why Is It Important to Talk To Your Partner About Sex?

The idea of talking about sex with your partner may sound scary or embarrassing. Many of us want to avoid it at all costs, but we know it’s an integral part of being in a relationship. Opening up and learning about our partner is how we build healthy bonds, and there’s no other way around.

Besides, most people want to feel sexual intimacy with their partners. That’s probably the only thing that can help us to achieve the greatest sexual pleasure possible. Emotional connection and mind-blowing orgasms are what every human being needs to stay mentally healthy. And the only way to get those is to open up!

Why Is It Important to Talk About Sex With Your Partner?

When it comes to sex, communication isn’t optional, but essential. No matter if you’re in a long-term or friends with benefits type of relationship, it’s always a good idea to talk about it. And there are numerous reasons why communication is essential for a sexual relationship to work out.

However, a lot of people find it scary to share their needs, desires, and fantasies with their partners. It means opening up to someone and creating intimacy. And it will probably make you feel exposed and vulnerable in a relationship.

But there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. Vulnerability plays a significant role in building healthy relationships. It helps us feel more connected with our partners, and to overcome the fear of being rejected. And all of these things are beneficial for your romantic and sex life.

So, talking about sex can make a huge difference in more than one way. It will lead to building trust, feeling accepted, and understood.

There’s one more important thing — talking about sex will improve your sexual experiences. There’s only one healthy way to get what you want from your partner — being open about it.

Besides, you don’t want your partner or you to have some unmet expectations in the relationship. So, communication is what you need to avoid misunderstandings and disappointment.

What to Talk About?

Sex and communication go well together. And there are a lot of topics you should cover during sex talk. So, before you start the conversation, think about what you have and want to share, and what you wish to ask.

The first thing most people want to discuss is what type of relationship they are interested in.  However, you can skip this one and simply be spontaneous. Sometimes, it’s even better that way. But, in case you’re not comfortable with the idea of being in a too serious or casual relationship, you should definitely mention it.

The other important topic to cover is sexual health. You should absolutely ask your partner about their STI status. And of course, you’re supposed to talk about yours, no matter how embarrassing it is. Also, running some tests just to make sure you’re healthy is a good idea.

And it’s also a great idea to mention similar problems that may inflict your relationship or sexual performance. Things like lower back pain or mental health issues may be of importance here. These can make an impact on your sexual activity, and your partner should be familiar with it. It’s also safer to talk about it than to hurt yourself trying to do something you can’t!

If you want to keep safety your priority, you should certainly talk about birth control, and both parties should have a say in this. Besides, leaving your partner to deal with it by themselves is quite selfish. You’re supposed to have a conversation about what type of contraception you want to use, and what’s the safest and most affordable option.

Sharing Your Fantasies and Fetishes With Your Partner

Last but not least, you should share your secret fantasies and desires. And it’s not a bad idea to wait with bringing it up. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable around your partner enough to start this topic. But, it’s still important to cover it at some point. Achieving sexual pleasure is undoubtedly the thing both of you are interested in.

People usually keep their sexual fantasies from their partners out of fear they would be misunderstood. However, the great news is that most of us have them, so there’s actually a big possibility your partner would be up for it! Trying out something new now and then is refreshing and beneficial for your sex life, and everybody knows that.

SEE: Common Sexual Fantasies As Enumerated By Cosmopolitan

That doesn’t mean you should start this conversation with your dirtiest and wildest fantasies. It’s better to start by mentioning something interesting but less shocking. For example, suggesting using some sex toys or having sex in unusual places may be a bit more appropriate. And in case you have a specific fetish, you may want to prepare the field before bringing it up. But whatever you think your partner’s opinion is, you should openly talk about it at one point.

When Is the Right Time to Talk About Sex?

People often think that the right time to talk about sex is the time before, during, or after sex. But, it’s quite the opposite — that is the worst possible time to start this conversation!

When your partner’s in a sexual mood, you should avoid bringing up any of these topics. They may feel like you’re trying to manipulate them into consenting to something they’re not comfortable with doing. Or, even worse, they may come to the conclusion you want to take advantage of them in some way.

Not to mention that they can start feeling insecure about their sexual performance! So, if you want to avoid an uncomfortable situation that may even ruin the entire relationship, you’d want to save a sex talk for a more appropriate moment.

And the best time for this conversation is when you’re relaxed, sitting somewhere, talking about all kinds of things. You can bring it up after one of you mentions something sex-related. When you feel comfortable and ready to open up to each other, that’s when you should start the topic.

It was January 1964, and America was on the brink of cultural upheaval. In less than a month, the Beatles would land at JFK for the first time, providing an outlet for the hormonal enthusiasms of teenage girls everywhere. The previous spring, Betty Friedan had published The Feminine Mystique, giving voice to the languor of middle-class housewives and kick-starting second-wave feminism in the process. In much of the country, the Pill was still only available to married women, but it had nonetheless become a symbol of a new, freewheeling sexuality.

And in the offices of TIME, at least one writer was none too happy about it. The United States was undergoing an ethical revolution, the magazine argued in an un-bylined 5000-word cover essay, which had left young people morally at sea.

The article depicted a nation awash in sex: in its pop music and on the Broadway stage, in the literature of writers like Norman Mailer and Henry Miller, and in the look-but-don’t-touch boudoir of the Playboy Club, which had opened four years earlier. “Greeks who have grown up with the memory of Aphrodite can only gape at the American goddess, silken and seminude, in a million advertisements,” the magazine declared.

But of greatest concern was the “revolution of [social] mores” the article described, which meant that sexual morality, once fixed and overbearing, was now “private and relative” – a matter of individual interpretation. Sex was no longer a source of consternation but a cause for celebration; its presence not what made a person morally suspect, but rather its absence.

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The essay may have been published half a century ago, but the concerns it raises continue to loom large in American culture today. TIME’s 1964 fears about the long-term psychological effects of sex in popular culture (“no one can really calculate the effect this exposure is having on individual lives and minds”) mirror today’s concerns about the impacts of internet pornography and Miley Cyrus videos. Its descriptions of “champagne parties for teenagers” and “padded brassieres for twelve-year-olds” could have been lifted from any number of contemporary articles on the sexualization of children.

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We can see the early traces of the late-2000s panic about “hook-up culture” in its observations about the rise of premarital sex on college campuses. Even the legal furors it details feel surprisingly contemporary. The 1964 story references the arrest of a Cleveland mother for giving information about birth control to “her delinquent daughter.” In September 2014, a Pennsylvania mother was sentenced to a minimum of 9 months in prison for illegally purchasing her 16-year-old daughter prescription medication to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

But what feels most modern about the essay is its conviction that while the rebellions of the past were necessary and courageous, today’s social changes have gone a bridge too far. The 1964 editorial was titled “The Second Sexual Revolution” — a nod to the social upheavals that had transpired 40 years previously, in the devastating wake of the First World War, “when flaming youth buried the Victorian era and anointed itself as the Jazz Age.” Back then, TIME argued, young people had something truly oppressive to rise up against. The rebels of the 1960s, on the other hand, had only the “tattered remnants” of a moral code to defy. “In the 1920s, to praise sexual freedom was still outrageous,” the magazine opined, “today sex is simply no longer shocking.”

Today, the sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s are typically portrayed as brave and daring, and their predecessors in the 1920s forgotten. But the overarching story of an oppressive past and a debauched, out-of-control present has remained consistent. As Australian newspaper The Age warned in 2009: “[m]any teenagers and young adults have turned the free-sex mantra of the 1970s into a lifestyle, and older generations simply don’t have a clue.”

The truth is that the past is neither as neutered, nor the present as sensationalistic, as the stories we tell ourselves about each of them suggest. Contrary to the famous Philip Larkin poem, premarital sex did not begin in 1963. The “revolution” that we now associate with the late 1960s and early 1970s was more an incremental evolution: set in motion as much by the publication of Marie Stopes’s Married Love in 1918, or the discovery that penicillin could be used to treat syphilis in 1943, as it was by the FDA’s approval of the Pill in 1960. The 1950s weren’t as buttoned up as we like to think, and nor was the decade that followed them a “free love” free-for-all.

Similarly, the sex lives of today’s teenagers and twentysomethings are not all that different from those of their Gen Xer and Boomer parents. A study published in The Journal of Sex Research this year found that although young people today are more likely to have sex with a casual date, stranger or friend than their counterparts 30 years ago were, they do not have any more sexual partners — or for that matter, more sex — than their parents did.

This is not to say that the world is still exactly as it was in 1964. If moralists then were troubled by the emergence of what they called “permissiveness with affection” — that is, the belief that love excused premarital sex – such concerns now seem amusingly old-fashioned. Love is no longer a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; and nor, for that matter, is intimacy a prerequisite for sex. For people born after 1980, the most important sexual ethic is not about how or with whom you have sex, but open-mindedness. As one young man amongst the hundreds I interviewed for my forthcoming book on contemporary sexual politics, a 32-year-old call-center worker from London, put it, “Nothing should be seen as alien, or looked down upon as wrong.”

But America hasn’t transformed into the “sex-affirming culture” TIME predicted it would half a century ago, either. Today, just as in 1964, sex is all over our TV screens, in our literature and infused in the rhythms of popular music. A rich sex life is both a necessity and a fashion accessory, promoted as the key to good health, psychological vitality and robust intimate relationships. But sex also continues to be seen as a sinful and corrupting force: a view that is visible in the ongoing ideological battles over abortion and birth control, the discourses of abstinence education, and the treatment of survivors of rape and sexual assault.

If the sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s made a mistake, it was in assuming that these two ideas – that sex is the origin of all sin, and that it is the source of human transcendence – were inherently opposed, and that one could be overcome by pursuing the other. The “second sexual revolution” was more than just a change in sexual behavior. It was a shift in ideology: a rejection of a cultural order in which all kinds of sex were had (un-wed pregnancies were on the rise decades before the advent of the Pill), but the only type of sex it was acceptable to have was married, missionary and between a man and a woman. If this was oppression, it followed that doing the reverse — that is to say, having lots of sex, in lots of different ways, with whomever you liked — would be freedom.

But today’s twentysomethings aren’t just distinguished by their ethic of openmindedness. They also have a different take on what constitutes sexual freedom; one that reflects the new social rules and regulations that their parents and grandparents unintentionally helped to shape.

Millennials are mad about slut-shaming, homophobia and rape culture, yes. But they are also critical of the notion that being sexually liberated means having a certain type — and amount — of sex. “There is still this view that having sex is an achievement in some way,” observes Courtney, a 22-year-old digital media strategist living in Washington DC. “But I don’t want to just be sex-positive. I want to be ‘good sex’-positive.” And for Courtney, that means resisting the temptation to have sex she doesn’t want, even it having it would make her seem (and feel) more progressive.

Back in 1964, TIME observed a similar contradiction in the battle for sexual freedom, noting that although the new ethic had alleviated some of pressure to abstain from sex, the “competitive compulsion to prove oneself an acceptable sexual machine” had created a new kind of sexual guilt: the guilt of not being sexual enough.

For all our claims of openmindedness, both forms of anxiety are still alive and well today – and that’s not just a function of either excess or repression. It’s a consequence of a contradiction we are yet to find a way to resolve, and which lies at the heart of sexual regulation in our culture: the sense that sex can be the best thing or the worst thing, but it is always important, always significant, and always central to who we are.

It’s a contradiction we could still stand to challenge today, and doing so might just be key to our ultimate liberation.